I am a woman on the go.
I have a huge sense of determination and the will for success.
I am not the kind of woman who stays home and waits on my husband hand and foot. I don’t do his laundry. I don’t fold his clothes. I would cook his meals, but he’d rather chow down on a hamburger and drink a good glass of whiskey than eat my gluten-free vegan bites.
My business takes me on the road quite often, and since last February, it has felt like my mail should be delivered to Southwest Airlines. With two kids at home and a house to take care of, my husband is struggling on his own. I hear his argument, and I think he’s got a valid point.
In a perfect world, we’d all have every resource and all the time in the world to share with our loved ones, but, sometimes, we make sacrifices in order to live the quality of life we want to live.
I call it the “building stage” of our lives.
And so, like any other couple, we have disagreements. As you’ll probably agree, the most popular topics include time, money, and sex.
There is no exact recipe for how each couple should deal with the power struggles they may encounter, but there are definitely ways to avoid getting overly entangled by them.
I am talking about quality time here. We can all continue to withdraw from the bank of our relationship, but how often are you depositing? Are you making time for each other? Are you scheduling dates? Are you finding quiet moments alone with no kiddos in tow? I can tell you, as a busy parent, it’s hard to find that alone time. But it is an absolute must. And if I know I’m leaving my husband alone for three days, I make sure there is some time for the two of us on the front and back end of that trip. Not to mention, he gets a hall pass to do whatever he wants for a day when I get back.
Money is a tough one. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t struggle even the teensiest bit about bills. If you’re not bringing in any money yourself, it’s hard to feel comfortable, or even not guilty, about spending. If you’re the breadwinner in the family, you may get resentful when your hard earned money is walking out the door on purchases you don’t approve. So get clear with your partner. What are the priorities? What are the luxuries? Where do you agree money needs to be spent and how much extra can you each play with every month?
As we get older and our relationships mature, our lives also get busier. Our children need our attention. Our careers may get more intense. Laundry continues to pile up. The house can seem to fall apart without constant maintenance and cleaning. There are a million reasons to not have sex. Trust me, I’ve used them all myself at times. But sex is important. Intimacy is what our relationships thrive upon. So make an effort. Schedule it in. And if one of you have a higher sex drive than the other, respect the other’s needs and desires. Connection breeds happiness and stability in your relationship.
I have given you several suggestions about how to alleviate power struggles that may go on between you and your loved one. What kind of power struggles are you confronted with right now? I’d love to hear from you, so please leave your comments below.
Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, business coach, yogi, Pilates instructor, and holistic nutritional expert based in Boulder, CO. Her unique and intelligent style promotes strengthening while softening—empowering her clients to heal not only their physical bodies but their hearts and minds as well. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.