Well, how badly do you want it? How badly do you want anything you’ve been wishing for?
Often, we decide on what we want based on what we think we can have. We keep our expectations low and, thus, our efforts low. What we think is possible is often based on the past, misconceptions, and just bad logic.
So we need to want what we don’t yet know how to get. That’s where all the fun is—figuring it out.
A lot of people have stopped trying to figure out how to get close to their parents, and I think that’s a big loss.
One client, Donna, wanted very much to be closer to her dad. She was bummed that their relationship was poor, and she could also see how her history with him impacted her love life. When a fundamental relationship is stuck, it usually influences many other areas, even if we don’t see the direct link.
“I’ve had very little relationship with my Dad since I got married in 1999 and didn’t ask him to give me away. I asked my brother, as my brother and I both felt really aggrieved about our relationships with him. After starting on the Handel Group® path, I had sent a couple of emails to my Dad in an attempt to rekindle communication with him, but with no response.”
Here’s where her coach intervened. Most of us stop at “I tried,” forgetting what powerful manifesters we are.
You know the difference between calling when you want someone to pick up and calling and wishing they wouldn’t. Our intention makes all the difference. First, we wanted Donna to see how much she’d pigeon-holed her dad as unloving and show her that, given her expectations, it would be hard for him to appear any other way than a deadbeat. Donna wrote:
“It was through my ‘talkback’ to a ranty ‘purge’ [these are two Handel assignments] about my Dad that I realized that, far from being incapable of expressing emotion, my Dad was always really good at sending greetings cards and picking them really well. I had a Eureka! moment and realized that maybe communicating via greetings cards would give my Dad the safe space he needed to start a relationship again with me. Memories came flooding back of Father’s Days when I forgot to buy a card for Dad, or I bought one and forgot to send it, or I just didn’t even bother, as I didn’t feel like he loved me or was in any way the Dad I wanted. So with Father’s Day approaching, I resolved to attempt to make up for this and show that I was serious about re-establishing a loving relationship.
“I went to a card shop and picked a handful that I liked. My rule was I had to connect with the card. I chose five, and I started writing.
“In the first one, I wrote: ‘Dear Dad, I hope you received my emails. I would love to talk. Love, Donna.’
“Card number two said: ‘Dear Dad, These cards are an attempt to apologize for all the years I didn’t send cards because I forgot or didn’t want to because I thought you didn’t love me, but I know that you do. Lots of love, Donna.’
“Card number three said: ‘Dear Dad, I have two amazing sons who astonish and amaze me and make me so proud everyday, and I would love you to have a relationship with them, too. Lots of love, Donna, Charlie, and Ollie.’
“Then the juicy stuff started to come out. In card number four, I wrote: ‘Dear Dad, I’m so sorry that I didn’t ask you to give me away at my wedding, and I can see how hurtful that must have been, and I would have loved you to make a speech. Lots of love, Donna.’
“Then I was left with a card that had a picture of a lion on it, which said ‘The Mane Man On Father’s Day,’ so I wrote: ‘Dear Dad, This is just a silly one because you always had great hair. I can understand if you’re not ready to talk right now, but here are all my contact details if you would like to get in touch. All my love, Donna.’
“Five cards sent, numbered, with requests to Dad to open in order please.
“I received an email from my Dad a few days later saying that he’d love to re-establish a relationship.”
How many cards does it take to get your dad back in your life? Five in this case. But that’s not the point. The point is, when you are ready to want something, the universe reveals the how; you follow along, taking inspired actions and watching the magic unfold. Yes, of course, this goes for any goal you may have. Please never think you’ve thought of everything!
As President of Handel Group® Life Coaching and a Senior Coach, Laurie Gerber’s personal and professional mission is to better the world by teaching people to tell the truth and pursue their dreams. Her ability to strip away psychological and emotional burdens has been showcased on radio, TV, the blogosphere, and in a wide variety of live events. Laurie leads events at Kripalu, Esalen, Menla, Equinox, and more. Her growing TV career includes MTV’s True Life Special: I’m Getting A Second Chance and an upcoming pilot for A&E. Follow Laurie on Facebook and Twitter.
If you want to do the deep work for yourself that Donna did, register for our Design Your Life Weekend this fall. And if you’d like to strengthen or rebuild your relationship with your parents, register for our How to Talk to Your Parents teleseminar in August.
*Featured image by scampercom