I just returned from the gym. I saw a woman there who I enjoy talking to. She and I always have these intense heavy conversations and then we don’t see each other for months.
You see, I thrive on connections with people.
She and I know one another, have had a strong heart connection, without being BFF’s. We were talking about addiction. She knew I was clean and sober for 26 years – had released 100 pounds for good, and at fifty, I feel great. We were discussing addiction because Phillip Seymour Hoffman just died of an accidental overdose the day before.
Both of our hearts were so heavy. You see, she and I became fast gym friends because we both love movies and think he is one of the greatest actors that ever lived. And now he is gone at the young age of 46. So sad. Mostly I am sad for his children who have to know that their dad was lying on a cold floor with a needle in his arm, with bags of heroin lying around. With that much talent, that much genius, what happened?
The other night someone asked me what I regretted in my life so far? I said, well I have no regrets except I wish I was smarter! It is true. I wish I had been smarter (and yes I know I can learn more at any age). And then I think of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and all the brilliance he had. And I know it did not help his addiction.
Because addiction defies all the laws of intelligence. It defies all the laws of common sense. All of them.
This is why we all walk around saying, “why, how could this happen?” He had money. He had brains. He had access to it all and still, the cold floor. Gone forever like millions of other addicts who too end up on the cold hard floor.
Before I walked away from Karen, she looked at me and said, “Laura, you should be proud of your sobriety and that you got it so young and it stuck!” In that moment, I had tears well up and I got to feel into the peace and appreciation that comes with being one of the lucky ones who struggled and then was able to not only survive, but thrive.
At this point in my life I wish I could touch each and every person out there who suffers and say, “help is a phone call away,” or “you are not alone,” or “here is what is possible.” And while realistically I cannot reach every person, I can continue to be a beacon of light in regards to freedom from addiction and spread the word of gratitude.
What are you grateful and feeling positive about today? I welcome any and all good news.
Weight Release & Body Image Coach, Laura Fenamore, is on a mission to guide women around the world to love what they see in the mirror—one pinky at a time—so they can unlock the secrets to a healthy weight and start loving their lives as soon as possible. Having overcome her own battle with addiction, obesity, and eating disorders, Laura released over one hundred pounds twenty-four years ago, beginning her on a journey to guide other women to live more joyous, balanced lives. Laura believes that self-love and self-care is where the transformation begins. Learn more about Laura at OnePinky.com and follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Image courtesy of Elisabetta Foco.February 7, 2014