State the facts speak the truth - Iyanla Vanzant
This sentence has been running a marathon in my head for weeks. I felt like a Mac truck hit me when I heard Iyanla Vanzant speak those words last year.
I recently had a conversation with a friend on the phone. We were discussing my writing, and where I plan to take myself with my work. In the midst of an amazing conversation I could only hear one thing, “You need to be more consistent. You tend to get involved with things and then go M.I.A.”
My mind was racing; there was so much I wanted to say. All I could think was, “It is so easy for you to sit and tell me to have follow through, you don’t have the child with PWS and Autism.” I wanted to say, “do you know how hard it is to write when your child is trying to eat out of the trash?”
Some days I don’t want to write. I am so tired and the last thing I can muster is creativity. “You don’t have the three-year-old that still can’t sleep through the night. You have all the time in the world to write and be creative, I DO NOT.” That is what I wanted to say but didn’t.
I was immediately thrown into my STORY.
My story goes a bit like this: I am a flake who has no follow through. My writing will be like so many of the books in my life-started but never finished.
I was so deep in my head that the rest of the conversation became a blur. I couldn’t hear anything else. I tuned out. I hung up the phone and began to walk into my house. In that moment I remembered Iyanla’s words: state the facts, speak the truth.
I am so tired of living this “idea” of myself. So exhausted from the constant need to make myself “right” that I am a destined to live a life of ‘half-dones’.
I am worn out by all the times I succeeded in large or small form, only to withdraw into my own world and not see it through. The tape keeps playing in my head. The one that says, I will never be successful. I will never get ahead. I will never have my dreams come true. I will never have any of this because I don’t deserve it.
I have lost my steam and can’t keep this train running anymore. I either need to change my mind about the things I am doing in my life, or do something different.
The Facts: I was confronted with a behavior pattern that someone had experienced with me.
The Truth: I have indeed started a task and not seen it through to the end.
None of the above is who I am.
I have a choice to make. I can make a fact mean something, or I can take that information and run with it.
What is one thing I can do today to make myself better?
I can stop using “they” and make it more about “I”.
I am so grateful for my children and the gifts that they present me with everyday. My life wouldn’t be half as inetersting if I didn’t have my children. Creativity takes on a whole new meaning when you have a small child sitting on your lap and pulling your hair. Trying to type when a three foot tall human is trying to type with you definitely makes for interesting prose. People constantly tell me they are amazed at how I do “it all.” I am just living my life. That being said, I don’t want to live a life where I keep limiting myself, where I keep using “they” or “it” to create excuses for my inconsistency in life. I want to reconnect with the “I” in my life.
Where can you reconnect with “I” in your life? Where you can you stop telling stories? Post below. Can’t wait to read them. xo Rachel.
Rachel Pastiloff is an author, yoga teacher, amateur chef, special needs advocate, and mother living in Atlanta, GA with her husband and two sons. In 2009, Rachel’s oldest son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Prader-Willi Syndrome, with a diagnosis of autism to follow. The diagnosis was traumatic and forever altered the course of her life. Rachel has made it her mission to educate the world about children who have special needs and their parents and caregivers. For more on Rachel visit her blog, her studio or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Rachel will be assisting her sister (fellow Positively Positive contributor Jennifer Pastiloff) on a Retreat in Costa Rica at the end of March.
*Image courtesy of Simplereminders.com