I’ve been thinking about the words “worth” and “value” as they relate to the self and self-esteem…
When I sold real estate, there was a common saying that “worth is determined by how much the buyer will pay and what the seller will accept.” The final price that is agreed upon after negotiation is the true market value of the property, no matter what the property next door sold for or whatever number the appraiser came up with.
Whether the asking price started out high or low is of little consequence. Once an agreement is reached, value is established.
It works that way in love and relationships, too.
When you place your own value very high, you may attract more qualified or desirable “buyers” at first, but the exchange is no different than that of product sales… There is always a negotiation, an offer and acceptance. The difference is, in love, the stakes are so much greater.
When you advertise yourself as unworthy, you tend to open yourself up to people who will neglect and abuse you… Just like a cheap rental property with an absentee landlord.
I get that there’s a problem of too many of us placing too little value on our time, our bodies, and our hearts.
I understand that when we don’t see ourselves as worthy, we settle for much less than what will sustain us. We can do a lot more to teach our children and each other about self-regard.
We repeatedly put ourselves on the market with big red “SALE” stickers over our hearts and expect to call in true love, respect, and fulfilling relationships.
The desperation can be detected from miles away, and the opportunists take no time in taking advantage of the good deals.
But is the solution to instead place our value higher and elevate our sense of self-worth to match what we believe (or hope to believe) we deserve?
We’re still selling ourselves – just at a higher price.
Can we accept that we don’t have to assign high or low value or worth to anything about ourselves, but instead we can just allow ourselves to focus on the pricelessness of our uniqueness?
Can we get away from the idea of selling our time, bodies, and hearts on the love market, and turn our focus to sharing these unique gifts freely and without the heaviness of a sales contract?
“I have something special, unique to me, and one-of-a-kind. In fact, all parts of me have this quality. I’m willing to share it with you because I recognize the same specialness in you. We respect ourselves and each other. And I like spending time with you and you make me laugh (or whatever).”
Why can’t that be the conversation instead of:
“I have such high value that I demand to be valued and paid accordingly with love, attention, and affection… Maybe security, some promises in writing, and a few shiny objects, too.”
When we sell products of the soul with the expectation of being matched evenly, it’s guaranteed that the transaction will fail.
I use the words “value” and “worthy” all the time, especially in my affirmation mantra meditations. But I don’t use them to get you to inflate your value to some higher arbitrary number or your worthiness to an elevated state to where you are finally deserving of something good.
I use these words to describe something inherent and immeasurable that qualified you as limitless, loved, and divine the instant that your soul broke from the Greater Consciousness and decided to take up temporary space in your earthly body.
Value and worth in regard to our hearts cannot and should not be measured. @BexLife
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It just is, and it’s the same in every single one of us – even the “bad” guys.
Erase the idea of bringing your self-esteem higher or your value greater or your worth to a level of “deserving.” Just know that you have value and worth. Turn self-esteem into gratitude. Honor the gift of your life, heart, spirit, and body instead of constantly speculating on it’s price on the open love market.
And while you’re at it, do the same for everyone who crosses your path.
There are already words for this practice:
If you’re feeling undervalued by others, recognize how that mirrors your practice of measuring your own value.
If you’re feeling unworthy, know that this will repel any gifts or opportunities coming your way (if it hasn’t already).
As my good friend Rachel DeAlto would say, “Just be love,” and then notice how love starts coming your way from all areas and directions.
Pay close attention to her instruction. It isn’t to be “big love” or “small love” or “enough love”…
No more “highs” or “lows” when it comes to talk of value and worth.
You are inherently valuable and worthy of all that you desire and all that is in line with the spirit of love and the growth of your soul.
Numbers and modes of measurement are no longer required to ready you for the greatest love.
You are free to give generously and share your gifts with anyone who will receive them lovingly and without judgment. You are also free to accept love as it is and not feel the burden of standing it up and measuring it side-to-side with the love you’re offering.
You have value. You are worthy. You were made with divine intention.
Your assignment: Give love. Receive love. Be love.
Now, doesn’t that sound much easier than what you were doing before?
Rebekah “Bex” Borucki, founder of BEXLIFE™ and the BLISSED IN™ wellness movement, is a mother-of-four (with her fifth on the way), TV host, fitness and yoga instructor, popular YouTuber, and backyard farmer raising backyard chickens, miniature goats, and her own organic garden.
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August 11, 2014