As a young therapist I labored over the possibility that I would choose the wrong intervention and inadvertently harm a client. I took my responsibility as a helping professional seriously. When I voiced my concern, my supervisor Ruth asked, “Is your heart in the right place with your clients? Do you hold them in high esteem, treat them with respect and value their feelings?” Without hesitation, I replied, “Yes!” She went on to say as long as I truly cared and did not harbor ulterior motives, healing would happen and I would do no harm. “It is a process not perfection, Terri,” she assured me. I was relieved but still did quite a bit of hand wringing in those early years. (OK now too but not as much.)
But not all healers have insight into their own behavior and how it may be impacting their clients. People come into the healing arts for all kinds of reasons. Some are unfortunately, ‘wounded healers’ looking to correct unresolved issues in their own life through their work. (RED FLAG.) Some are playing out wounds from their own abusive past with their clients. (RED FLAG.) Some simply get greedy. (BIG FAT RED FLAG.) That is why it is essential that anyone you hire to be a part of your healing team, be a total pro and treat you with respect at all times. Lately, I have heard more than a few disturbing stories from friends and clients about healers behaving inappropriately and in some cases, unethically.
I have seen this over the years in my therapy practice as well. Clients with abuse backgrounds attracting sadistic dentists, less than compassionate doctors and one client who had a chiropractor who bullied him into staying on a very expensive monthly plan by yelling and cursing at him (like his difficult Dad) and blamed my client’s lack of results on his subpar effort. These professionals were all psychological predators.
It is your job to protect yourself from anyone who may have messed up motives. Know that unresolved and unconscious stuff, will impact the types of people you attract personally AND professionally. It is not uncommon for ‘clients’ to put their therapists/ nutritionists/ trainers/ coaches etc. on a pedestal. But it becomes dysfunctional if the professional abuses the client’s trust and the position of influence for personal gain. Many people see their healers as the ‘expert,’ therefore believing that they must know better. This is not always true.
No one knows what’s best for YOU, better than YOU. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
Finding the right healer can take time. So whether you are currently working with someone, looking for a new healer or even just contemplating getting support, listen up.
I’ve compiled a list of some of my best advice to consider when working with or seeking a healing professional.
Red Flags
1. The Price Isn’t Right
If you have to drain your account to work with someone, then no one wins. Finances are one of the leading causes of stress, so if you are looking for more peace in any way, shape or form, spending all your savings, won’t get you there. If your healer is too expensive consider finding someone new. Remember the highest price doesn’t always mean the best quality.
2. The Expectations Set are Not Being Met
When entering a working relationship both parties should initially share their expectations with one another. This helps to avoid any resentment or confusion down the road. If you feel your healer isn’t holding up to the their end of the agreed upon bargain, then it is important you have the courage to address it. You deserve the value you were promised.
3. You Don’t Feel Good About It
Growth can be hard. And it’s not always pretty, and it certainly doesn’t always feel good. Though most of you have felt the difference between growing pains and straight up feeling crappy. I know for myself some of my toughest healers were the ones I couldn’t wait to see again.
Growing pains are part of the process, but progress is only possible when you feel comfortable and supported. If you find yourself dreading your time with your healer, it might be time to ask yourself if the relationship is broken. What are some thoughts you have when thinking about them? What do you wish were different?
You Know it’s Right When..
1. Your Body says YES
Spend time in stillness and silence and listen to your body for answers. There is nothing like knowing in your core that you’ve made the right decision. Don’t let a fancy website or impressive testimonials sway you from making the choice that feels right to you. You know better than anyone, what is best for you. Trust yourself.
2. You’ve Shopped Around
There are so many incredible healers, and the Internet has made it more possible than ever to connect with them. There is no reason not to invest some time shopping around to make sure that you have found the best practitioner for you. Many of my colleagues have some sort of free or discounted consultation. Take them up on the offer, try on their style to see if it fits.
3. You’re Getting Results
The point of working with a wellness professional is to get support and results. While the results you get may not be exactly what you expected, as long as you see personal growth, then chances are, you’re on the right track.
No one but you can tell you what is best. So regardless of whether you have hired a healer who you consider top notch, or one that you may have to fire after you finish this blog, it is important to remember the old saying: To Thine Own Self Be True.
I know that many of you have worked with or are currently working with healers. So I want to hear from you! In the comments below share with me the one piece of advice you think is most valuable when looking for or working with a healer. I’d also love to hear any stories you may have about your own experience.
I hope you have a beautiful week, full of growth and healing. And remember as always, to take care of you!
Love Love Love
Terri
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Tune Up Tips and follow her on Twitter.
Image courtesy of Steve Snodgrass.
