“The things that we are obliged to do, such as hear Mass on Sunday, fast and abstain on the days appointed, etc. can become mechanical and merely habit. But it is better to be held to the Church by habit than not to be held at all. The Church is mighty realistic about human nature.” –Flannery O’Connor, letter to T. R. Spivey, August 19, 1959, quoted in The Habit of Being

I think of this quotation often when someone asks me (and it comes up surprisingly often), “You make a habit of kissing your husband every morning and every night – but if it’s a habit, doesn’t it become an empty, inauthentic gesture?”

Yes, kissing my husband can become mechanical and merely habit. But it’s better to be kissing by habit than not kissing at all.

Also, although we assume that actions follow feelings –

In truth, feelings often follow actions. @gretchenrubin (Click to Tweet!)

So we should act the way we want to feel. When I act in a tender, romantic way, I feel more tender and romantic. So the habit doesn’t make me feel less loving, but rather, more loving.

How about you? Is there a habit that you keep in this way?

Gretchen Rubin is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller The Happiness Project—an account of the year she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier—and the recently released Happier at Home and Better Than Before. On her popular blog, The Happiness Project, she reports on her daily adventures in the pursuit of happiness. For more doses of happiness and other happenings, follow Gretchen on Facebook and Twitter.

Image courtesy of Annie Spratt.