This week as I was pulling into the gym parking lot I got rear-ended. Fortunately not badly enough to hurt me, hard enough to get my attention. As I got out of my car to check the damage, there was a moment of annoyance as I looked at the damage to my bumper and knew I was going to miss my “shockwave” class.
But that annoyance faded away as soon as I saw the face of the young man who hit me . . . the guilt and fear in his eyes was unmistakable. I could sense he was beating himself up in a major way especially after he saw my car.
He asked if I was okay and apologized. I reassured him that I was fine, that accidents happen and this is why we have insurance. I was flooded with compassion as I witnessed Andrew battling his own inner judge. It felt like I had a divine appointment with this him to remind him of something very important, which is the same thing I am reminding you of in today’s vlog.
We all make mistakes and accidents. Sometimes we say or do things we wish we could take back. And then we are likely to indulge in quite a bit of self-criticism. We think we should have known better . . . but regret is a totally useless use of energy.
It can be easier to forgive someone else, but when it comes to ourselves – and our mistakes, slips, and behavior we are not proud of – we often lack compassion.
I stayed and talked with Andrew in the parking garage for another ten minutes after we exchanged insurance information. He was so concerned about loosing his job (it was a company car) and kept apologizing to me. I reassured him that he had my forgiveness, I understood it was an accident, and suggested the person he really needed to forgive was himself. He initially looked at me like I was speaking another language until it sunk in. I saw him take a deep breath of what seemed like relief.
Today, you also have my heart-felt encouragement to take a big sigh of relief by forgiving yourself for any judgments you are holding against yourself. Holding onto self-criticism or self-punishment is not a healthy form of penance or prevention. The best way to move forward with spiritual integrity is to let go of self-judgment, move into acceptance of what happened, forgive yourself, and ask what you learned from the situation and how you can apply those learning’s moving forward.
As Maya Angelo says, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” Doing better in the future does not require beating yourself up for the past. Self-forgiveness moves you forward.
In the vlog, I guide you through a self-forgiveness process to support you in letting go. You can also reference the self-forgiveness tool and guided meditation on pg. 159 of Expectation Hangover.
Seriously, what good is beating yourself up doing? Really?
Choose compassion over criticism. @ChristinHassler (Click to Tweet!)
Let go. Learn. Move forward. Do better next time.
I am here to cheer you on or answer any questions you have about today’s topic so share your comments below.
Love,
Christine
P.S. BIG news. I have a new podcast where I coach people live on the show. Learn and be inspired from hearing coaching sessions that are a hybrid of practical and spiritual advice. Would love to connect with Positively Positive Peeps!! Go here.
Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.
Image courtesy of jill111.
