This is the time of year that we tend to do a lot of self-examination, especially when it comes to our relationships with others: parents, siblings, BFFs, and even coworkers, bosses and neighbors. Exploring the realm of relationships is mind-blowing when you think about how many diverse connections we have in our life. And whether you are close with someone, never speak with them, or can’t stand them, you are holding onto mental, emotional, time-consuming, energy regarding the relationship.
But the key to this realm is the relationship you have with you. How do you treat yourself? How’s your sense of worthiness? Are you arrogant, condescending, and mean to yourself? Or, loving, forgiving, nurturing, and compassionate? As you expand the circle beyond yourself, ask, “Who’s in my front row?” – essentially, who are your die-hard supporters, your cheerleaders, and your champions? Those are the relationships you should be paying attention to.
When you stumble or fall down, who is rooting for you to get back up? Who is not rooting for you? Are there people in your front row who don’t belong there? (Those not rooting for you?) Are they just taking up space in your head…in your life…blocking new champions from taking their seats in the front row? Keep widening the circle until you’ve included everyone you can think of in the exercise.
Remember, there are four things you can do with a relationship. You can:
Birth it – Start new, fresh, unfettered, unconditioned, as we were born – whole, perfect, pure, and unconditioned. There are infinite possibilities – don’t box yourself in.
Repair it – Ask first, “Do I want to keep this damaged or wounded relationship alive?” If the answer is yes, then let go of the past, and commit to soothing the wounds, let go of grievances, forgive, forgive, forgive – forgive yourself, forgive them, make peace. If you’ve tried and it can’t be repaired, then shift it.
Shift it – If the dynamic has moved in another direction – maybe you are taking a platonic relationship or a work relationship to another level. If a boundary was crossed or the understanding has changed, then new boundaries, new understandings, new rules of engagement must be established, articulated, and agreed upon – and committed to by both parties.
End it – Since nothing on this earth ever really ends, we must make peace in our own heart, forgive ourselves, forgive them, and let go. The key to this is to release. “When we forgive, we free ourselves from the ties that bind us to the one who hurt us.”
davidji is a certified Vedic Master and a teacher of stress management, emotional healing, and conscious choice-making. He is the author of the best-selling books, destressifying: The Real-World Guide to Personal Empowerment, Lasting Fulfillment, and Peace of Mind and Secrets of Meditation: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace & Personal Transformation and the creator of the award-winning guided meditation CD Fill What is Empty; Empty What is Full. Visit davidji.com for free tools, tips, and techniques to take your practice to the next level and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.