We all have them…
Inner voices reminding us of our greatest insecurities.
Personal connections sharing their honest, albeit unintentionally hurtful, outlook.
Strangers voicing judgments, attempting to knock us down.
I mean, I know appearing in “dramatic” rose ceremonies, on televised dance floors, walking down the aisle, and participating in a relationship bootcamp for millions to watch doesn’t necessarily protect me from judgment, but that’s just one part of the equation.
Before any of that was part of my story, judgment had already played a consistent role in my life – mostly when it came to the little devils sitting on my shoulder and whispering in my ear.
They told me all the time that I wasn’t good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, kind enough, talented enough, happy enough, fit enough, important enough, liked enough, brave enough, enough, enough, enough. And, often enough, I believed them…and still do. But now, with our ability to connect with just about anyone around the world, my demons have lots of backup, and as I mentioned, I can be an pretty easy target.
Could I pull the plug on my social media accounts, take down my website, and never do another interview or attend another event? Sure, but then they would declare victory. I would lose so many of the connections that make life worthwhile, miss out on income that allows me to help support my family, and say goodbye to the platform I’ve been lucky enough to have on my side that gives me the chance to spread the word about things that I think are important. The way I see it, demons will always exist, whether they begin deep down inside myself, or come from a bully hiding behind their computer. I work to remind myself that I am worthy everyday through inward reflection and gratitude, but even with a life to be grateful for, it’s a constant battle, and knowing that I’m not alone, I took the opportunity to share my story at TedxVail.
After my husband serendipitously shared a gondola with part of the TedxVail team and heard that they needed speakers for their “Naturally, Grateful” section of the 2016 talks, he threw my name in the ring. Thankfully, writing a book titled “Happily Ever After: The Life Changing Power of a Grateful Heart” was enough to get the team’s attention and in March 2015, I got to work. An incredible honor, I didn’t want to waste it on redundantly sharing stories I had already written about.
Instead, I chose to take the advice of my speaker coach, Brent Drever, and come from a place of vulnerability. A place that would allow my audience to relate, to know that they aren’t alone, to walk away after hearing my talk wanting to make a positive change.
After nearly a year, and thoughts of giving up, I finally felt it click. I had written draft after draft, met with my fellow speakers, practiced telling the pertinent stories, and talked it out with the man I kept saying should’ve been the one preparing his own speech – my husband, Ryan Sutter. Ryan was the one who introduced me to Ted talks. He was the one with the little-known gift of writing powerful speeches that moved people. I was just a mom now, who had stage fright, an awful memory, and by a fluke, had had a book published. At least that’s what my demons were telling me. They popped up in my first conference call with my fellow speakers and were annoyingly fighting for attention with every single word I spoke on the stage in Beaver Creek on January 8. They clawed their way to the top a couple times, hopefully with most of the people watching never catching my mistakes. To my knowledge, the audience didn’t know that I was supposed to say “Just as we should fight to defend ourselves against someone else’s malice, we should fight even more so to defend ourselves against our own personal inner demons.” Did it matter? Not in the grand scheme of things.
Bottomline – I did it! I remembered (most of) my words, didn’t fall flat on my face after choosing to wear my go to six inch sparkly stilettos, and heard from women, men, and even kids, who told me that what I said was powerful.
In my allotted ten minutes, I was able to silence my demons enough to accomplish my goal – create a discussion and cause positive change, and I know I did that after hearing from people in person or via social media.
My hope, though, is to reach more and more people through YouTube until the trend of devaluing ourselves by using “just a” to describe our roles in society comes to an end…or at least gets a really great smack down.
Please watch and share. As I said in my talk:
Live your life knowing that you are unique, important, and worthy, no matter your title or lack thereof. @tristasutter (Click to Tweet!)
Demons don’t deserve our attention. I’ll keep telling myself that if you do. 🙂
Trista Sutter, a familiar name in the world of reality television, now lives her happily ever after as a stay-at-home-and-work mom near Vail, Colorado with the poetic firefighter she met on the first season of The Bachelorette, their beautiful blessings, Max (8), Blakesley (6), and fur babies, Tank and Sophie. She currently works as a stay at home and work mom, is a designer for her Grateful Heart gift collection, author of “Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart“, and most recently was honored as a TedxVail speaker. You can find more info on her site & follow her on Twitter & IG.
