There’s a sneaky expectation I place on myself that does not serve me well. Sometimes because of the work I do, I buy into the misunderstanding that I should not be affected by disappointment and curveballs. That I should immediately get to gratitude and move on like nothing happened.
Fortunately I was reminded of my humanity last week when life threw me a curveball that knocked me off my feet and left me with an expectation hangover! I know that my truth is gratitude and love – but I cannot expect myself to jump there when the humanness in me is having a moment.
Can you relate? You know that compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude are the destination but find yourself pushing to get there? As I remind myself, I remind you of the transition time. The space in between “ouch” and “thank you.” Honor that space, there is great healing available there.
When my latest expectation hangover of the curveball flavor first came at me, I noticed how quickly I attempted to make myself to feel better. I immediately started to look for the silver lining, tell myself it happened for a reason and jump to forgiveness. Of course there is always a silver lining, things do happen to serve us, and forgiveness supports our spiritual altitude on any situation AND . . .
. . .the truth was the curveball shocked to my system. My head wanted to talk myself out of the pain but my emotional body felt it. I knew I was about to engage in what’s called “Spiritual Bypass”, which I write about in Expectation Hangover as a coping strategy we use that does not lead to healing.
When a curveball first hits, it serves us to allow ourselves to feel it instead of attempting to dodge it or walk it off right away. Otherwise we end up suppressing emotion, which is not healthy. Let me be clear in saying that indulging in emotion or being a victim is also not healthy. Feeling a feeling with compassion so it heals is quite different from allowing our feelings to consume us.
You are allowed to be a masterpiece and work in progress simultaneously. @christinhassler
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So if you’ve been hit with an expectation hangover of the curveball variety, I encourage you to:
1. Let it hit you by simply honoring and acknowledging your feelings. In my case, I spent some time release writing and allowing my emotions to move through me while holding a space of compassion. After I did this, I felt a lot clearer and was truly ready to move to step two.
2. Ask, “What am I learning?” Curveballs are not random. They are intentional plays by the Universe to wake us up, shift us, or support us in dealing with an issue that needs healing. Get out of victimhood and become a student of your life instead.
3. Decide what you want the curveball to mean. The degree to which we are wobbly from something unexpected is 100% dependent on the meaning we give it, not what actually happened. Decide what you want to believe about the situation and chose wisely. I made mine mean that the Universe was giving me an opportunity to clean something from my past to speed up the manifestation of one of my most heartfelt dreams.
4. Forgive and move forward. The process of forgiveness is actually what wipes the slate clean and allows us to let go and move on. It is challenging to take steps forward when we are carrying around anger, resentment or judgment.
Finally for those of you who relate to placing an expectation on yourself that you should “know better” and have done so much growth that you “shouldn’t” be triggered, PLEASE remind yourself that you are human. Remind yourself of that space in between getting hit and walking it off with grace. That space in between “ouch” and “aha!
With so much love,
Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.
Image courtesy of ElasticComputeFarm.March 29, 2016