There’s a difference between having good boundaries and creating barriers. Boundaries are proactive, on the offence, barriers are hyper-actively on the defense.
Think of it this way:
Boundaries are like a fence with a gate—the energy can come and go. You know you’re protected. Boundaries say, this works for me, this doesn’t. And because you’ve made those clear declarations—about your standards—then you can be at peace within your gate. You can chill because you have told the world how you prefer to be treated.
Barriers are like a shield that you drag around—ready to defend yourself from attacks.
It’s not very peaceful. Being on guard all the time is anxiety-inducing.
Are you going to ask me to work overtime?
Are you going to talk mean to me?
Are you going to take me for granted—again?
You can’t relax because you haven’t made any declarations.
Standing by your boundaries takes some practice. And your boundaries may offend someone. You might break someone’s heart, and your heart will break for them. Because you are a good person. This is very counter to the general New Age vibe—but you could create disharmony with your boundaries.
When you let people take advantage of you, when you ignore the mismatch between their actions and their words, when you let someone call you things that you are not, you are disrespecting the Truth of your being. That is the ultimate disharmony. And no true good can come of it.
Protect your heart so that you can keep it wide open.
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Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries. Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.