We are all drawn to romantic partners for different reasons. In the past two months, I have received multiple requests to dive a little deeper into the connection between narcissists and codependents. So in this week’s video, I am breaking down this perfectly orchestrated behavioral dance to hopefully add some clarity.
To better understand this relationship dynamic, we need to outline the behavioral patterns of each person in this type of relationship. A codependent is a person who tends to feel responsible for others’ problems, behaviors and feelings. They give so much (even without being asked), and they end up resentful and feeling unappreciated. The flip side of this coin is a narcissist, who tends to feel entitled to special treatment, and try to manipulate others into fulfilling their needs. The interaction between these two personalities becomes an extremely natural (but dysfunctional and unhealthy) relationship for both partners.
In this Real Love Revolution video, I cover:
- 10 Codependent Behaviors
- 10 Narcissistic Behaviors
- An Outline of the Interaction between Codependents and Narcissists
- Why These Two Personalities Are Together (and Can’t Seem to Break Up)
- How to Change the Dance
All relationships are a dance – “I do this, you do that” as you move through life. In this situation, the dance is almost inevitable without any interruption. A codependent is an overgiver and feels overly responsible for others’ happiness. A narcissist wants you to overgive, wants you to be responsible for their happiness. It couldn’t be more perfectly aligned. As a codependent, giving and sacrificing is what you do, it’s natural, so you are drawn to narcissists who are selfish, self-centered and controlling, and it can be challenging to recognize the harm that is being done. Both parties are mesmerized by the dance because unresolved childhood injuries are being played out so it feels familiar. Without understanding what is beneath these behaviors and patterns, change is unlikely.
It’s not about fixing your partner, it’s about figuring out why your self-esteem is so low if you’re the codependent. You must ask the tough questions, like why do you think you can’t do better than this? Why are you afraid of conflict so much that you are unable to confront your partner in a healthy way? These answers go all the way back to the home you grew up in and revealing the original injuries in your life. To get a better understanding of everything in this blog and video, download the Cheat Sheet: Behaviors and Relationship of Narcissists and Codependents and watch now by clicking here!
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.
Image courtesy of Sole Treadmill.
