This is part two of the three-part series about Judgment. You can find Part One here.

A little while ago I was at my first Ecstatic Dance Party. That’s a dance party where there are no phones allowed, you don’t talk and you dance barefoot. It’s all about dancing and playing and being accepted. In general, dancing anyway you like without being judged.

At least openly, because I was judging the whatever out of that dance party and the people there.

But you see, I knew right then and there that those judgments weren’t about the party or the people there. They were about me. And I gave myself space and permission to let those judgments soar around in my head.

In the first article, I wrote about that dance party and what happened with me and those judgments.

Here, I want to dive deeper into the process I went through from the moment I noticed those judgments to the moment I realized what my lesson was.

Judgments are projections of what you don’t want to accept in yourself. What you don’t want to accept in yourself, haven’t accepted and therefore rejected is still within you. Carmen Smallegange (Click to Tweet!)

It’s in your Shadow.

Your Shadow consists of those traits, characteristics, and emotions you don’t want to accept or acknowledging. Those traits, characteristics and emotions still emanate energy and attract situations and people into your life. These situations and people trigger something within you.

And that something is hidden in your Shadow.

When you judge, it usually is in reaction to something you see or experience. That triggers something within you but as you do not want to acknowledge that and haven’t accepted that part of yourself, instead of facing your own judgments towards that what you have put in you Shadow, you judge the people or the experience.

So you’re projecting that you don’t want to accept within you, on someone or something else.

So your own judgments are signaling the way to those parts that want to be put back into the light.

So, how do you do that?


At the dance party, I noticed all these judgments going around in my head. I took a mental step back and watched these judgments go round and round. You could say I was watching myself judging. I refrained from judging myself for being so judgmental.

Instead, I just watched what kind of judgments rose to the surface. Whenever I felt bad about being so judgmental I gently put that feeling aside and gave myself permission and space to be judgmental. I knew those judgments were about me and I wanted to learn my lessons from them. By ignoring them, by feeling bad about them, or by embodying those judgments I would withhold those lessons from myself.

This meant that I couldn’t really enjoy or BE at that party. Most of my attention went to this process. I was fine with this because I felt that this process was more important to me than the dance party itself.

Breakdown of Step One

Watching yourself

Whenever you feel yourself judging in your head or you hear yourself expressing those judgments, try to take an energetical and mental step back. Maybe you can even “float” behind your own body and see those judgments go around in your head (that’s what happened with me).

Try to dis-identify with your own thinking mind. Try to look at it as something happening outside of yourself. Try to become the spectator of your own mental judgment show.

Letting it all be

Whatever happens in your mind, just let it be. You might be horrified with your own thoughts (I was), but let them be. You might feel yourself shrinking in shame but don’t. Shame or your own judgments are what’s keeping your own aspects in your Shadow.

If you want to learn your lessons from your Shadow it’s important to let that which you don’t like, BE. So let your judgments BE. You’re the only one watching them, no-one else, so just let them be and see what it is that you want to say.

No need to judge or shame yourself. Judging others is a way to bring aspects of yourself back into the light, so it’s a beautiful gift in disguise and doesn’t need to be judged itself. Try to look at it that way. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.


When I got home I wrote those judgments down and started pondering about them.

What is it that these judgments say about me? How do these judgments relate to me? Can I sense where they come from? This is a very individual process because the same kind of judgment can mean something different to you as to me. But I did sit down and started to reflect upon those judgments and I extracted my lessons from them.

Breakdown of Step Two

Writing your judgments down

Writing your judgments down is important or else you will “forget” them. In other words, or else they will float back into your Shadow. Be honest with this and write every judgment down.

Remember that it’s about you and about growing into your True Self. There’s nothing to be ashamed of and shame was the cause of putting that what’s being judged in your Shadow in the first place, so listening to your shame is the last thing you should or need to do.

Contemplating your judgments

I would recommend letting your unconscious work for you in coming up with your answers. Your conscious mind is probably too occupied with shame, guilt or judgments to guide you to your inner wisdom.

The best way to go about this is to sit with your judgments. Read them. Be okay with having had those thoughts. You can ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What is it that I can learn from these judgments?
  2. What am I ignoring that’s true for who I am?
  3. What’s hidden deep within me that I’m afraid to see?

Don’t try to come up with your answers yourself. Let these questions go through your mind while you go about your day. Don’t consciously try to come up with answers yourself. Let it sink in. meditate on it. Sit with it. Journal about it (without losing yourself in your conscious thinking too much).

Trust me that eventually, you will come up with your answers from your own inner wisdom pool. It might take some days, but that’s okay. Trust that you will find your own insights!

I hope this has been helpful and if you have any questions, please post them below this article so I can answer them.



Carmen Smallegange is a coach specialized in uncovering and transforming limiting beliefs. Using her own life lessons she shines a new and fresh light on negative experiences to empower others to do the same and to acknowledge and step into their own amazing potential. You can get her free workbook on how to transform your fears or follow her on Facebook.

Image courtesy of Maarten Deckers.