For a long-time I held on.
I held onto stories that I was telling myself for years – stories that I created for myself – based on what I was told my life should be like by other people, or beliefs that I had absorbed by watching and learning from others struggles.
There came a time where I had to release those stories, mainly because they did not fit into the life I was building for myself – a life that has been made by expanding my view and not constricting it to be in alignment with other people’s opinions.
One of the stories that I told myself was that I was better off being independent and single after going through a challenging marriage and eventual divorce. The aftermath of that relationship led to me on a journey to figure myself out, since I really was not sure who I was anymore.
One thing I could not deny was my deep longing to have someone that I could share my life with, even though, having had that before, was something that had not been fulfilling to me in any way.
It was a conundrum for sure.
I was consciously telling myself that I did not need anyone in my life. I spent a great deal of time and effort proving that to myself with buying/selling my own homes, getting a better job to support myself, becoming financially independent, figuring out things I liked to do and things that I definitely did not like and so on. I dabbled with some online dating for a while, but that really did nothing more than prove to me that I was better off by myself, because, well – online dating has some “interesting” men that really did not do much to change my opinion of what a nourishing relationship could be at all.
Unfortunately, nothing I was doing was really helping me change my mind about living my life as an independent and single gal, because all roads pointed to that being a better life for me in the long run. I had friends who supported the notion that being alone was a safer choice for me, and for them, and my brain was convinced of that as well.
But my heart and soul had other ideas for me, because, as I said, deep down inside, I wanted to share my life with someone who “got me” and I had to come to terms with that. It was time for some deep introspection!
Did being in a relationship with someone who “got me” mean that I could not live my life as I wanted to? Did that fella really exist? My marriage had showed me that it was not possible, so why was I so sure that I could have it now?
I had to change the perception that I had on my life, as I knew it, big time.
I had to release the story of it being safer for me to be an independent and single gal to make room for the nurturing relationship that I really wanted.
I let go of that story and opened myself up to receiving what I wanted in my life – to be in a fabulous relationship with an amazing guy, who got me, and at the same time being an independent woman in the areas that mattered to me most. I had to release the old story to make room for the new one.
And guess what happened?
I found him and I got exactly what my heart and soul wanted. I am in a loving and nurturing relationship with my best friend and following my dreams and being true to myself all at the same time.
Why am I telling you this?
Because we all tell ourselves stories and there is a pretty good chance that the story you may be telling yourself just doesn’t work for you anymore, but it might be a hard one to let go of because it is familiar and comfortable for you. Change is hard and discarding an old story for a new one means that we need to dig in a little deeper to see what it is that we want Now, as opposed to what we thought we wanted Then. And, you have to want to re-write your story.
Stories You Are Telling Yourself
Our lives are not meant to be planned out to the n’th degree. Life ebbs and flows and we have to figure out the ways to help us move with whatever comes into our lives. If I had stuck to the belief that my life would be better if I was alone, I likely would still be that way. It was empowering to work through the story and sort out what was behind it (people’s opinions/beliefs, my own past history and challenges, etc.) and figure out a way to reframe it into something that took into account what I wanted for my future and what I did not.
It meant seeing the forest for the trees and taking what I liked and throwing away what I did not and forging a new path forward for myself.
Try this on for size yourself and answer the following questions and see what comes up for you:
- What stories do you tell yourself?
- What stories are you fed-up hearing yourself tell that just don’t make sense for you anymore?
- How do you know when it is time to throw away a story that just doesn’t work for you? How do those stories make you feel? Safe and empowered, or unsafe and miserable – wanting more for your life?
- Can you let go of the story that does not define you now?
- What changes can you make in your life that can enable you to take a new path that feels truer to who you are now?
Once you see a story for what it is, you can’t un-see it.
When you call yourself on your own sh*t, (aka, the stories that are holding you back), that is when life-changing magic can happen for you. @sarahfinney (Click to Tweet!)
Being “stuck” in our stories does not allow us to move forward and to follow what our hearts desire and the truth we have inside.
Sarah Finney is a certified life coach, writer and teacher who helps women create fulfilling, purposeful lives by getting crystal clear on what is possible for them. She empowers women to reclaim their voices and make empowered choices that are aligned to their core set of values. After spending 25+ years as a marketing expert in a corporate capacity, Sarah chose to listen to the whisperings of her own soul and discovered Who She is NOW. She reimagined her life and has dedicated herself to helping women define the heart of what is possible and dispel beliefs that have held them back, enabling them to lead lives that are full, gratifying and true to who they really are. Find out more at www.sarahfinneycoaching.com or connect with her on: Facebook, Pinterest or Instagram.
Image courtesy of Fancycrave.