By Pragito Dove
Loneliness is a lack, a feeling that something is missing, a pain, a depression, a need, an incompleteness, an absence.
Aloneness is presence, fullness, aliveness, joy of being, overflowing love. You are complete. Nobody is needed. You are enough.
Love makes you complete. True lovers share each other but that is not their need, that is their overflowing energy.
Two lonely people who come together don’t feel the loneliness so much because somebody else is there. They remain lonely but somehow deceive themselves with the illusion that their void is filled. When two lonely people come together, their loneliness multiplies.
Real love is not a search to combat loneliness. Real love is to transform loneliness into aloneness, to help the other. If you love a person, you help that person experience the completeness of aloneness. You don’t try to fill them up and complete them by your presence. You want them to not be in need of you.
When a person is totally free, then out of that freedom, sharing is possible. You give, not as a need, not as a bargain, but because you are overflowing with love.
The struggle in relationships is based in the fact that everybody needs freedom.
Love allows and strengthens freedom. Love and freedom are two wings of the same bird. All growth needs love, but unconditional love. If love has conditions, then no one can grow, and there is continuous conflict.
Love unconditionally and don’t ask anything in return. Much comes back on its own. Don’t be a beggar. Be an emperor. Just give and see what happens: a thousandfold love comes back to you. Recognize and receive it. Love treats you as an end unto yourself. Don’t get hooked into expectations. Love as a sharing, not as a need.
True love gives you freedom. Never settle for less.
Meditation and love are the two ways to attain to the bliss of aloneness, the freedom to be utterly yourself. Both are deeply related. In fact, they are two aspects of the same coin. When you meditate, sooner or later you come upon love, you start feeling a tremendous love arising in you, a new quality to your being, a new door opening. You want to share.
When you love deeply, whether it’s a child, a pet, a spouse, a friend, by and by you become aware that your love is becoming more and more meditative. A subtle quality of silence is entering in you. You are touching your own depth.
Love makes you meditative. Meditation makes you loving. Both bring you inner peace, joy, and wisdom. Both make you an attractor of goodness to your life.
How do you transform loneliness?
You cannot fight with darkness directly, with loneliness directly, with the fear of isolation directly. The reason is that all these things do not exist; they are simply absences of something, just as darkness is the absence of light. How do you bring light to a dark room? You switch on the light!
Put your attention, energy, and focus on love! Love is the solution. Love heals pain and fear, dispels darkness and neediness, and brings a new rhythm of sweetness, peace, and joy to you. You become centered in your aloneness.
This does not mean that now you are complete in yourself, that you cannot have friends and be in intimate relationships. In fact, all of your relationships are enhanced as you have so much to give and share. You give out of your fullness and giving multiplies your joy.
Look to see if anything you are facing as a problem is a negative or a positive thing. If it is negative, don’t fight with it. Just look for the positive of it, and you will be at the right door. Look at the problem. Is it an absence of something? And the truth is that all your problems are the absence of something. Once you have found what they are, then go after the positive.
The moment you find the positive, you have found the light, and the darkness is gone.
What are your thoughts/experiences with loneliness and aloneness?
Pragito Dove is an author, meditation master, and teacher. Using the principles she teaches, Dove transformed her fear and grief into joy and inner peace. Now she shares these secrets with others. Dove is founder of Laughing Buddhas Network and president of Discover Meditation Training In., a cutting-edge meditation training company. She trained extensively as a meditation master and spiritual teacher at the Osho Multiversity, Pune, India. She holds a master’s degree in education from London University and certification as a Master Hypnotherapist and a Professional Hypnotherapy Instructor.
photo by: slalit