Human beings are capable of incredible transformation. We break through. We break down. We reinvent, and we rise from the ashes. Some people even manage to make quantum leaps and extreme emotional makeovers.

But for most of us, we are just who we are, and that’s that. People don’t change very much. Not really. Your everyday “you-ness” has been there since you got here (just ask your dad or your kindergarten teacher or any astrologer). Extroverted. Jovial. Tenderhearted. Curious. Cautious. Exacting. Bold. For better or worse, your essential personality is likely going to keep on keepin’ on.

This might be an easy notion to accept for your own self. But it gets tricky when we try to apply it to all those other people whom we think would be better off if they just, you know, made a few changes…

List three characteristics that you wish someone in your life would change. Things like “be punctual” and “say thank you more” don’t count—those are actually behaviors that stem from bigger personality traits, such as considerateness, selfishness, free-spirited, trusting…

Then, list three of your own personality traits that have been problematic for you. Pay attention to how you feel as you make this list. Judgment? Futility? Soft-heartedness? Relief?

Now, just muse the possible fact that big changes are fat chances.

Go there with me. And then, consider these options:

1. Love things just the way they are. {Radical, I know.}
2. Commit so wholeheartedly and intensely to change that you blow the odds right out of the water. {And make no mistake, intense commitment is exactly what it will take.}
3. Keep right on wishing. I hear that hope springs eternal.

Danielle LaPorte is the outspoken creator of The Desire Map, author of The Fire Starter Sessions (Random House/Crown), co-creator of Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, and soon-to-be publisher of DANIELLE Magazine, launching in early 2014. An inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and business strategist, she writes weekly at, where over a million visitors have gone for her straight-up advice—a site that’s been deemed “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality” and was named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes.

You can also find her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter @daniellelaporte.

*Featured image by Giani