“One must sleep with lady death.”
Clarissa Pinkola Estes

What one usually fears, at the root level, is a kind of death. We fear a death of a part of ourselves, the death of a job, the death of a move, and the list goes on. When we think of certain big transitional periods in our lives, we often experience a lot of change. Change invokes the lady of death, the ending of something. For example, a change usually requires some letting go of old thoughts, behaviors, people, situations, and ways of being to experience the new.

The truth is that we won’t actually die, but somewhere within our psyche, we feel as though we are LITERALLY going to die. Once we get past that initial fear and insert a healthy comforting tool, we can move towards the new. We must, in turn, accept what we most fear.

Healthy Comforting Tools to Use to Accept What You Most Fear

1. Repeat to yourself. “I am experiencing some discomfort, some anxiety. I feel it in my body. I will not react to it. Instead, I will sit with it and breathe into it. I will accept it.”

2. Take a deep full breath in through your nose, making sure your belly expands on the inhale, and out through your mouth, and the belly contracts.

3. Listen to a nice mantra. I love Jai Jagdeesh “Ek Ong Kar“ on YouTube.

4. Do something positive for yourself or someone you love to distract yourself from believing or acting on the “fear of death,” so to speak. For example: do something important on your to do list, do ten jumping jacks, call someone you’ve been meaning to, like your grandparents or your accountant.

5. Ask your higher self for guidance. Instead of reacting to the fear, sit with it, close your eyes and ask your higher self for guidance and then listen to what she says.

6. Reach out for support from a trained therapist or spiritual guide.

Know that once you ride through that initial fear of the unknown or fear of “death,” the new will be there and it will be okay. You will survive. You will even thrive.

Trust that, no matter what, within you lies the ability to get through anything. Trust yourself.
@CosmicChristine (Click to Tweet!)

With every death, there is a birth. That is the part we often forget. We believe that a death is just a death. Well, a death is never just a death. It is always the birthing of a new beginning.

What in your life have you been fearing that is dying? Your youth? Your independence? A relationship? A job? And what is the possible new birthing that will come of that same situation?

Post in the comments below! I’m excited to read them all. And cheers to many deaths and many births!

With love,


Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of CosmicLife.com, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter and Facebook.

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*Image courtesy of Chiaralily.