After my post, How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself in Order to Create the Life that You WANT, I received the following question in an email from a reader:

I’m having difficulties defining what it is I really want in my life. Any tips?

This is an excellent question and I wanted to expand on my answer in today’s post…

Far too often, it’s assumed that if you’re feeling discontent with your life, the issue isn’t knowing what you want, it’s figuring out how to get from where you are to where you want to be. But, as you may know, this is completely inaccurate! When you’re feeling unfulfilled or suffering through the quarter-life crisis, not only do you not know what you want out of life, you often have no idea where to start!

Not to worry, I’ve got a sure-fire process for discovering what it is you really want…

How to Discover What You Really Want

Start by taking a closer look at what you know you don’t want.

Getting clear on what you know you don’t want in your life is the key to discovering what you DO want. Really acknowledging the things that make you feel unhappy, stressed out, depressed or unfulfilled is the first step. Start by answering the following questions:

  • What areas of my life am I unhappy in?
  • What do I absolutely know I do not want in my life?
  • Who is presently in my life that doesn’t belong?

Dig deep into the heart of what you don’t want.

Let’s say that your career is an area of stress and discontent for you and you know that the job you have now is not something you want in your life… this is good. The next step is to dig deep into the heart of WHY you don’t want it in your life!

  • What about this situation causes you stress or unhappiness?
  • What would a more ideal situation look like for you?

You don’t have to know the specifics, just a general direction. For example, if you sit behind a desk all day, would you rather be interacting with people in face to face situations? Outdoors? What are you doing with these people? Talking? Collaborating? What specifically about the ideal alternative appeals to you? Why? Be honest and take your time with these questions, being as specific as possible.

Start making decisions based on what will make you happy.

Now that you’re clear on what specifically isn’t working for you in your current situation and clued into what would make you happy, you have to start taking steps in the right direction.

Oftentimes, our true passions and purpose are just around the corner, hidden from sight.
@StephenieZ (Click to Tweet!)

You have to start moving in the direction of what makes you feel happy and excited to discover what you really want, because you won’t always know it until you see (or experience) it.

“It isn’t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse… Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look.” Martha Beck

Take action now!

Determine one area of your life that isn’t working for you and walk through this process. In the comments section below, share what you’ve discovered along with one small action step you’re going to take to start making changes today!

Do you have a question you’d like me to answer? Share it in the comments below!

Stephenie Zamora is the founder of, a full-service life purpose development, design, and branding boutique. She merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help men and women build passion-based lives and businesses. Click here to access her free Foundations for Unshakable Joy™ video training series and learn the unexpected trick to transforming your life with one single question! Connect with Stephenie on Facebook and Twitter!

Photo Credit: Navy Blue Stripes via Compfight cc