Remember you are the gift or the “present” when you are present for others. In order to be present for others, you have to be “present” for yourself first. We can’t give out anything unless we have it. What if someone asked you for a cookie and you didn’t have a bag of cookies? What if someone asked you to listen to them and you were too preoccupied in your head to listen?
Let’s empty out yesterday’s regrets and toss out tomorrow’s fears and be here now. In this PRESENT moment, I give myself the gift of the NOW.
We are going to have a flight plan to SOAR, not just fly, our way to success. Like any good flight plan, there is a check list and we have to make sure the equipment all works before we even start to taxi. In this case, your mind is the equipment so we are going to “TUNE it up,” and check and double check all of our SAFETY procedures… our thought processes and beliefs.
How do you create your own reality? In other words, how is it that some people can be stuck in traffic and be ok with it while others are upset? How is it that some people come from the same family and one turns out to be a drug addict and the other is a huge success? (Not genetics or environment.)
Shakespeare said “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
We are the judge of whether a certain situation is good or bad. We are the thinker having the thought. When we know who we are and control our thinking then ….The thought does not think us.
The fear thoughts:
“What if this doesn’t work out?”
“What if no one likes me.”
The lack thoughts:
“There isn’t room for me to succeed.”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
The self doubt thoughts:
“There is someone better for this job than I am.”
“I have never been …fill in the blank:”
- thin enough.
- smart enough.
- handsome/pretty enough.
- talented enough.
The I’m not good enough thought:
This feeling is at the root of so many issues. Dr David Walker wrote a book You are Enough. The title says it all. When you really think you are enough and believe it regardless of what is going on outside – loss of job, loss of money, loss of a loved one or even health. Then you know who you are is bigger than anything outside yourself that you are using to measure your self-worth.
I used to play the “As soon as” game in my head:
- As soon as I move to CA –I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I get a great job-I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I get married –I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I have a six pack-I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I have a great new car-I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I have a new wardrobe-I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I have a book published –I’ll be happy.
- As soon as I win awards at work-I’ll be happy.
When you get what you think you want and you are still not happy, then that is when real challenges come up. As long as you hold on to the fantasy that IF you had X you’d be happy, you still have HOPE. When hope is gone and you know outside things won’t fill the hole inside, then the real work begins.
I had a friend who has a hit sitcom and was able to rent a home in the Malibu colony. This was her fantasy and many other actors. She was miserable.The script was not funny so she had to force herself to memorize it. The beach was fogged in over 4th of July and no fireworks could be seen. Worst of all, no one wanted to hear she was unhappy. She HAD it all –what everyone else in acting was striving for. If she wasn’t happy, how could they be happy with where they were?
Another big fantasy, regardless of your career is – As soon as I make over $X, I’ll be happy. We all have this magic number in our head we think will make us feel secure. If I had $1M in the bank or $2M or $10M, then I could feel safe. It can all go away with one bad investment. What do successful people say to that? So what? I made it once, I can make it again. People who don’t know who they are or how powerful they are, live in fear of losing the money they have or of running out.
All these fear thoughts all go away when we take control of the cockpit of our mind. Are you the pilot or the passenger stuck in the middle seat in the back of the flight of your life?
- Don’t sell out your soul.
- Don’t sell out your ethics.
- Don’t sell out your integrity.
When our “reality” is happening, it is easy to forget that somewhere behind this experience of good or bad (whatever we are labeling it or getting agreement with our friends) is a thought. How many times have you said: “The economy is tough now,” or “The weather is always a problem when I fly.” Sometimes people will agree with you to try and establish intimacy. “I know what you mean-I’m always on flights that are delayed OR yes it is so tough to make money now.” Let’s hit the reset button with new knowledge of how to get rapport/intimacy through being the pilot of our thoughts.We decide how much power to give any one thought or when to accelerate vs being reactive to anything someone says or does.
Let’s assume you have this thought: “I am an honest person.” When you find yourself in a situation where you have the choice to either act honestly or not, you follow your beliefs about yourself and do the right thing. You do these types of honest actions long enough, and they become second nature-your habit. After a period of time, this habit of being honest becomes one of your character traits embodying not only how you define yourself, but how others do too.
A character trait can be measured by how you behave when no one is watching. For example, if you think you can steal something and no one would ever know, but you don’t steal, that is a manifestation of honesty. In a movie, they don’t tell the audience a certain person is honest by telling the audience in a line of dialogue, they SHOW he/she is honest by being in a situation and not stealing.
When your thoughts become fully integrated into who you are, they become your new reality.
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You are honest with yourself and honest with other people.
Taking even this one step further, how you treat the world is how the world treats you. For instance, if you lose your wallet or purse, you believe that someone will return it because in your reality people are honest. In sales, when you are honest with your clients, you give them a fair rate. Over time you begin to get referrals because you’re viewed as someone who is a straight shooter. You are someone who understands that in the best deals both sides walk away from the table with smiles on their faces. Clients may also buy from you, even when you don’t have the best rates, because they know you treat them with respect and honesty.
What you say to yourself is more important than what you say to others! The person we have the most dialogue with EVERY day is ourselves. Is that conversation:
OR is it
Do you express more negative thoughts per day than positive about yourself TO yourself?
Do you believe that what you think will come true?
What would it take for you to shift the number of negative thoughts to positive thoughts?
What would it take to at least get 51% of your thoughts headed in the right direction?
When we drive a car or when a pilot flies a plane, it is a series of small “error” “correct” movements. When you start to veer towards the wrong lane, you make a slight adjustment on the wheel. Same with your thoughts-adjust the focus. We are going to go over some common things people say to themselves and see which sound familiar to you.
Remember we want to soar:
“You can’t get the gold medal for diving if you stay on the ground.” Edwene Gaines.
Nobody soars with excuses:
”He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.’ Benjamin Franklin
Can you imagine all the excuses he could have used if he couldn’t fly a kite to prove static electricity.
My kite tail is too long.
The wind is never right.
The key on the end of this is not big enough.
There are always tons of excuses.
Negative-It just won’t work.
Positive-The things that need to work out will work out. (My life is unfolding perfectly at all times.)
Negative: I don’t have enough time.
Positive-I have plenty of time to think, plan and do.
Do you see how the lack of time comes from the same mindset of scarcity that says you have a lack of money or health?
Negative-I’m always late.
Positive: I have ENOUGH time to get where I need to be. (Once again is there a lack of time for you to get where you need to go or abundance? Are you hitting green lights or all the red?)
Negative: I can’t seem to get organized.
Positive: Taking the time to get organized is just as important as anything else I do.
Ex: When I organize my closet, I can get ready faster in the morning because I can find what I need fast vs wasting time looking for a belt, etc.
Negative : Today just isn’t my day.
Positive: There are good things that happened even on “Bad” days. ( You decide if a bad morning has to mean the entire rest of the day has to go bad or not. Hit the reset button in your thoughts)
Negative: That really makes me mad.
Positive: Getting mad is OK (Enough therapy has taught me it is ok to have my feelings) Getting OVER it is the key. Let go –why hold on to anger? Does it hurt you or the other person?
Negative : Another blue Monday.
Positive: Monday is a great day for a fresh start.
Negative: I don’t have the energy I used to have.
Positive: I have the energy to do the important things.
We have a new puppy who has tons of energy. Will he have that much later ? Probably not, but he will have enough to have fun regardless.
Negative : I never have enough money.
Positive: Money is not the only definition of prosperity. I am generous and abundant
Money is energy in action. If you are stingy with your expressing your feelings of affection, you are probably stingy with the tips you give. Guess what? The universe will be stingy with you because it is like the law of gravity. It applies to everyone the same at all times of the day.
Here is another big excuse:
Negative Why even try?
Positive: All my efforts are rewarded.
Negative That’s Impossible.
Positive; Nothing is Impossible (Break up the word to I’m possible.)
Write in the comments some of your own negative and positive statements and practice using two of positive ones in your head and see how it impacts your day!
John Livesay is the best selling author of “The 7 Most Powerful Selling Secrets: Soar Your Way to Success With Integrity, Passion and Joy” which has been translated into Spanish and Russian. He is a business coach and motivational speaker as well as the Executive Director, Corporate Partnerships at Conde Nast Media Group. John won global salesperson of 2012 not only for W magazine, but for all of the Conde Nast’s titles and 3,000 employees. You can find out more about John on his website.
Image courtesy of Yortw.