Recently we were having dinner with some close friends who were visiting for the weekend. At one point my husband and I were busy trying to apologize for a recent tantrum my kid had in front of everyone.
As a parent we see so many of these with our little loved ones, but when it happens in front of people we sometimes feel a little embarrassed and try our best to smile our way through it.
How many times has that happened to you in the grocery store? Where you just want to run out and disappear, when all hell is breaking loose! In any case, afterwards we had a good chuckle – as they are parents too and they were happy they were the observers this time around!
And I mindlessly said while stalking my lettuce, “I just don’t know where she gets it from.”
Everyone rolled their eyes.
Excuse me?? Fork down. Blushed cheeks. This got me right at my heart. I was caught in a moment of deep self reflection. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind to defend myself. However, I resigned and eventually agreed with my company.
Not only did that typical child / parent moment get me thinking about myself in the past, but also the many people who I had coached over the years. Us adults are actually quite often responding to our “adult” situations like children. It is as if the child tantrums are still well and truly within us, although they may not be showing outwardly, they are alive and well within.
We may not be throwing ourselves on the floor, but there is this conflict, worry and pressure building within us all the time.
For example, some of the big “adult” stuff like body image, self-worth and sense of potential. By the time we hit forty we’re experienced in life, had some heart breaks and probably some wild nights. Lot’s of fun and memories but it’s also given us fuel for building up our lies.
Well, it’s time to put on our big boy / girl pants and these lies we are telling ourselves, potentially passing on to future generations, have to hit the road – no matter what age really!
Ugh, I need to lose ten pounds.
Honestly, if it’s ten pounds, let it be. If you’re healthy and active with some padding on your hips – be ok with it. Why spend time obsessing on a body you don’t have? Instead, adore the body you do have. This is especially important for mamas who have signs of pregnancy and harbor a few extra pounds.
Of course, if you want to lose ten pounds as a healthy goal, by all means do! My point is not to get hung up on it as a recurring statement of your life!
I know he’ll change if I…
No, he won’t. If it’s not working now, it’s not worth staying in a bad relationship. I know I could really get some heat on this one, but I think it’s important to be in mutually respected relationships, right? If he’s not the one now, then be OK with it. If we wait for someone else to change we will spend our entire life waiting for them to change.
After my divorce, I realized I wasn’t only ending a marriage, I ended a whole mindset. We have to love the whole person and they have to love the whole you.
It’s too late for me to start a new career.
…or go back to school or travel. OK you’re nearing forty, but you’re not dead, which would be about the only reason to not start something you’re passionate about.
At forty, I redesigned my career from teaching yoga and pilates to setting up a home based business, which, previous to yoga I’d been a lawyer. It’s never too late to change!
Nobody cares how I look anymore.
Actually, you’re in your prime and it’s only going to get better. Sexy at sixty? Go for it. Yes, someone cares – you!
I dress how I want to feel, not the other way around. If I feel blah, I sass it up in a little black number. The thing is, I have to notice me first. And trust me, you’re worth getting noticed.
We can consider everything up to forty as experience. Some of it sucked. Some of it didn’t. And the best time to clear up a self-depreciating lie is now. My daughter’s temper tantrum is not ever a pleasant experience, but in an odd way it makes me smile, because that one well timed tantrum in front of our guests reminded me that life after forty is better.
Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, business coach, yogi, Pilates instructor, and holistic nutritional expert based in Boulder, CO. Her unique and intelligent style promotes strengthening while softening—empowering her clients to heal not only their physical bodies but their hearts and minds as well. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
Image courtesy of Dave Haygarth.