If I look at my life through the lens other people look through, I’m living the dream. In fact I can even fool myself how awesome my life is. I live in Boulder, CO, one of the most desirable places in the country. I’ve got one and a half beautiful kids, a supportive husband, a Labrador Retriever, the perfect house with killer mountain views. I drive a nice car. I’ve built an amazing business and make a lot of money. I can pick up and go wherever I want. People seem to like me and I have a lot of friends. I’ve been told many times, that I’m motivating, an inspiration, and fun to be with. Heck, I even think I still look good too.
But I’ve been struggling my entire life. And that struggle has been with finding true happiness and inner peace. I’m analytical so my head leads with “The more I have, the happier I’ll be.” Have you ever felt like that?
If I go learn X,Y or Z I’ll feel fulfilled. If I get the newest iWatch, I’ll be psyched. When I earn X amount of dollars, I’ll be happy. And when I achieve that, then what? Then I go find something else to master?
Probably because I need to be in control. To become the master at everything, thinking I’ll find happiness. Yet, I still haven’t become the master of life.
Recently while flying home on a long, international flight a few weeks ago, while watching a cheezy chick flick on the movie channel, I realized that happiness was simple.
All I needed to do was to LET GO.
And that means let go of everything. Let go of the control. Let go of searching and wanting more. Let go of trying to be the best at everything. Let go of trying to find more happiness.
The only way I’d be able to discover true happiness would be for me to to let go of all control. Control is really a form of fear, even though I seem to be fearless in all areas of my life, it is a very subtle and powerful form of fear that becomes a dominant force.
But letting go for me is difficult. I don’t always trust my surroundings or even the most significant people in my life and so I grasp.
How do you trust? Is it inherent? Is it proven? Built upon? Is it sometimes prompted by a physical or spiritual connection?
What I have realized through this process is that I have to trust myself first. I have to trust that life will all be good. If I can’t trust myself who can I trust right?
Also, wanting more is OK, but continuously trying to be the best and searching for more in all areas, means I am not present right now. If I am not present then there is no way I can be happy right now.
Letting go also means letting go of being controlled by others too. Because when I feel like I’m being controlled, i.e. by my kids, my husband, etc, I revert right back into the need to control the situation and then there I am again. I can’t be blissfully happy because I’m too worried, too stressed, too anxious, too busy. I can’t relax. I can’t find peace. I can’t enjoy. I cannot be in that blissful state.
I’m going to propose something here and this may sound nuts to you because we’ve all been taught so differently by our societal peers.
Put on your oxygen mask first. If you don’t feel like hanging out with your family on a particular night because you need some me time, don’t. If you don’t want to go out with the friends your husband booked a date with, don’t. If you don’t feel like getting on the conference call your people are expecting you to be on, don’t. Geez, if you don’t feel like going to your next family gathering, even if your sister and Mom are freaking out, DON’T.
You have got to honor your needs. If you don’t, you’ll never feel content.
Let Go and Trust and life becomes a lot simpler and a lot more happy!
Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, business coach, yogi, Pilates instructor, and holistic nutritional expert based in Boulder, CO. Her unique and intelligent style promotes strengthening while softening—empowering her clients to heal not only their physical bodies but their hearts and minds as well. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.