Lately there’s been a lot of hype around the idea of being authentic. We’re being urged to find and focus on our true selves, get in touch with our souls, and do what really matters to us. Brene Brown’s TED talk on the power of vulnerability has been viewed over 22 million times. A teen’s article on the years she spent staging photos to become an Instagram star recently went viral.
In an age of staged photos and photoshopped celebrities we are aching for authenticity. We yearn for what is true. Some part of us, no matter how small, wants to wholeheartedly give in to the mantra “Just be yourself.”
But how exactly are we to do this? And are there any downsides to showing up as the true you?
My personal experience suggests that the authentic path is not an easy one. It requires repeated diligence and discernment – a sense of hyper-vigilance – in which you are constantly searching, directing, and redirecting to keep yourself on the path. Like an ancient hunter tracking a wild animal, sometimes you lose the scent. You might lose the scent for hours, days, months, or even years. Then, on a seemingly ordinary day, you will be shaken awake and brought face to face with the animal that has been ignored.
The process of being shaken awake happens differently for each of us. For some, their authenticity saunters through the door on an easy breezy Sunday morning. Others are awakened by a meaningful dream, a death, or a diagnosis. Sooner or later authenticity will knock on all of our doors. Sometimes we answer. Other times we don’t.
So what happens when we do answer? Does the world become a magical fairy tale full of unicorns and rainbows?
Hardly. (Although I wish it did!).
In my experience, authenticity often brings difficulty. It forces you to make decisions that feel scary. You might lose jobs, friends, spouses, homes and a variety of other things that make you feel safe. You might burn bridges. You might make enemies. You might feel like you’re losing your mind. People will probably talk about you (in not so nice ways).
You might have to admit things to yourself that feel terrible. Like the fact that you are jealous of your daughter, or that you don’t want to be responsible for your aging father, or that you are no longer in love with your partner.
This will hurt.
We tend to place a lot of emphasis on moving up. Climbing the corporate ladder. Praying to God or spirit or Buddha or some other being who is “above” you. Moving from your lower, “base chakras” to your higher chakras. Bringing energy up your spine. Finding “higher love.”
Becoming authentic, however, often requires that you go down. It asks you to reach into your roots, get your hands dirty in Mother Earth, and crawl through the mud and sh*t and vomit in your life that you are afraid to admit exists. It asks you to have the toughest conversations you’ve ever had. It asks you to hold paradox and mystery without trying so hard to find the answers.
In a nutshell, sometimes authenticity sucks. @BethanyButzer (Click to Tweet!)
But throughout it all, if you get still enough to feel it, there is a sweetness. A sublime darkness. A soft sadness that breaks your heart in just the right way. You might feel scared and alone – but you also feel alive. There is a pulsing deep within. A force that is stronger than any sadness you’ve ever felt. This force is your True, Authentic Self, and it is willing to work with you when you’re ready.
If you don’t answer when authenticity knocks, don’t worry, She’ll come back. She will continue to knock and ring and text and call until you listen. She’ll show up in your job, in your friends, in music, in billboard ads, in TED talks, in articles. Sometimes She’ll be subtle. Other times She will blow your house down with a love so fierce you will wonder how you ever ignored Her.
My hope is that the sooner we start listening, the less forceful She’ll have to be.
See if you can feel Her right now. Is there an energy, a tick, a pulse, a desire, an urge that you are scared to follow but that feels right? That’s Her. That’s Authenticity. That’s your Soul. That’s your True Self.
Open the door.
Bethany Butzer, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, researcher, and yoga teacher who helps people create a life they love. Check out her book, The Antidepressant Antidote, follow her on Facebook and Twitter, and join her whole-self health revolution.
If you’d like tips on how to create a life you love, plus some personal instruction from Bethany, check out her online course, Creating A Life You Love: Find Your Passion, Live Your Purpose and Create Financial Freedom.
Image courtesy of Lindsay Henwood.
