What kind of a communicator are you?

Can you say what’s on your mind or do you stuff it down if you think someone won’t like it?

There are many reasons we avoid sharing our authentic truth, even at times, with ourselves. Society conditions women to value ‘niceness’ above almost all other virtues. This can be in direct conflict with speaking the truth (which can always be delivered with kindness but isn’t always ‘nice’).

Avoiding or denying the truth is not free. We pay with our level of satisfaction, the depth of intimacy in our relationships and often with our health as well.

That is why I am so excited to share some deep insights about how to up your communication game from my pal Dr. Neha Sangwan. Neha is an internal medicine doctor and a communication expert. I met her at a Hay House event a few years ago and reconnected with her this past summer at Soul Camp West, when we were bunkmates and both facilitating workshops. I was so inspired and intrigued by the talk she gave, that I read her phenomenal book, TalkRx: Five Steps to Honest Conversations that Create Connection, Health, and Happiness, over one weekend.

Dr. Sangwan writes about what happens in our lives (and bodies) when we don’t effectively communicate by numbing our emotions, instead of expressing them in relationships and careers.

As a therapist for the past, almost twenty years, I see effective communication as one of the top issues my clients present to me. Awareness and desire to change unhealthy communication styles is the first step to transformation.

One of the most common ways to sabotage effective communication is to send mixed messages. According to Dr. Sangwan there are three primary reasons mixed messages occurs:

1. Need for Approval

If you need approval for validation you may feel compelled to say,’Yes’ when you want to say,’No.’ But your body language and the stress hormones being released into your bloodstream tell a conflicting story.

2. Unmet Expectations

Similarly if you have plans and your pal asks if you are OK with postponing them because she has a chance to do something else. If you say you are ‘fine’ with it but feel disappointed inside, you’re giving a mixed message (and teaching your friend that it’s OK to ditch you if something better comes along!).

3. Feeling Guilty

When we acquiesce to other people’s desires because we feel guilty for drawing a boundary or truthfully sharing our preference, we end up giving a mixed message.

All of these behaviors block you from being truly known. To help get you moving in the direction of authentic communication Dr. Sangwan has gifted us her TalkRx journal!

I hope that you enjoy my interview with Neha and that the resources and insights she shares inspire you to up your communication game.

You deserve to be heard! @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)

Click here to listen NOW!

Love Love Love,


Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Leo Hidalgo.