I want to talk about this subtle misunderstanding: “If I work on myself, I will get the results I want in my life.” Now you may be wondering why in the world that would not be true or reasonable to believe, especially since you probably understand that our external world is a reflection of our internal reality.

Yet this direct correlation that many of us make between self-work and results is creating unconscious roadblocks of attachment. I said this was subtle…hang with me.


Often it takes a rattling catalytic event or reaching a level of unbearable discontent to stimulate us to reach out for help. We look around for help because we are not taught the principles of self-development in school. Wouldn’t it be nice if classes that taught us about ourselves appeared next to algebra and economics on our school syllabi?  Since they don’t we are conditioned from a young age to be achievement and outcome based. Therefore when finally do get around to putting understanding and healing ourselves on our curriculum, we often attach an objective to it because we are so used to being goal-oriented. We begin working ourselves so that we can get the health, job, relationship, etc. that we desire.

It is totally natural to have your initial spark to embark on a personal growth path be a desire for something more, better or different (especially if you are experiencing pain of any kind). And sometimes we use, or perhaps even need, some kind of external end goal to motivate us to go through the pain. Your Higher Self knows that things have to be put in your path so that you begin to wake up. But the point of personal growth is not to get something in return for all our work.

Let’s look at a common example. Say you working on yourself because you want to find your “soulmate.” You understand that we attract people that are at our level of vibration and awareness so you are trying to sort out all your issues so you can find “the one.” I acknowledge that level of ownership and agree that we attract better partners for ourselves when we work do our work first.

However, when the driving reason for doing the work is so that we can get the result we think will make us feel better, our ego is still in the driver’s seat.

Confusion then sets in because we begin to measure our progress by whether or not the goal we set is manifesting.  And when it doesn’t, we believe there is even more we have to work on and never reach a point of peace until the goal is met. This is why attaching goals to your sacred spiritual work can be dangerous and blind you to the progress you are actually making. Let me clarify that manifesting things in the physical world reality that we desire may indeed be a wonderful result of our work.

My encouragement to you is to let go of allowing it to be the primary purpose or reason to do your work.

Stop letting someone or something else motivate you to show up for yourself. @ChristinHassler (Click to Tweet!)

Shift to a more authentic place and clean up your intentions. If you resonated with the example above of seeking a soulmate, consider totally letting go of any attachment to ever being in partnership and make your relationship with yourself so incredibly juicy and fulfilling that it doesn’t feel like anything is missing!

A goal or desire is a great reason to get your growth groove on but don’t let it be the reason you keep going. Surrender is a major component of growth. As you detach from results, you can hear the whispers of your Soul and your true heart’s desire . . . which is often different than what you think you want.


P.S. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps.

Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.

Image courtesy of Simon.