Fear is tricky. It can be really subtle, in fact the more evolved you become, the harder it can be to tell that your choices – in business, relationships, money, home, well being – are being driven by fear. Most of have no idea that we are operating from fear because we are moving so fast in our day-to-day lives. Fear loves this because fear thrives in the fast-paced, mind-driven petri dish that is the busy reality many of us live in.

This is where ancient wisdom applied to our modern lives comes in.

Fear diminishes & distracts feminine power.

Leading from the heart is feminine power.

Ancient sages forever have taught that it is our hearts not our minds that hold the true intelligence. You’ve heard the saying, “Follow your heart”? Well that saying stems from ancient wisdom. “Follow your heart” is not some hippy dippy sentiment, it’s ancient spiritual wisdom that if you can decipher and apply it, can guide you to make the best choices for life.

When fear leads… you create realities that stress you out. You work too hard, effort more, create more stuff to do than what’s needed. You give out way more than what you receive in. Result? Overwhelm, stress, depletion, frustration, sigh.

When your heart leads… while you may be scared and feel fear, love & grace swoop in, your power pulses, and you create realities that support, sustain & guide you to thrive.

But here’s the thing, the heart does not move at Google speed. Heart wisdom flows only when you slow down. And most of us don’t slow down when making a choice, we speed up.

Think of any choice you have tried to make recently or in the past where your mind was going crazy trying to figure out which option to choose. Usually you end up playing a game of mental ping pong trying to decide between two choices – “Do I do this? or “Do I do that?”

This is a game that only fear can win. It’s called dualistic thinking and it’s how most of us make our choices. Should I take this job or that job? Get a divorce or stay married? Move or stay put? Not only is this duality ping pong game maddening, if this is the only game you know how to play, you’ll stay stuck making choices that create suffering for you and sacrifice what you truly desire. You’ll not only diminish your happiness, you’ll diminish your power, influence and the difference you want to make in your life and in others.

None of us are so evolved that we are unsusceptible to fear. @ChristineArylo (Click to Tweet!)

I have been spiritually practicing and teaching for over fifteen years, and I know that my heart and my choices can be infiltrated by fear. So I’ve done what any wise woman would do. I have become intimate with the kind of fear that shows up in my heart, and I’ve created a circle of support around me to help me find my way to my truth when my mind and heart has been taken over by fear.

I will share a short story with you and then a short process you can use to clear the fear and free your heart to lead.

Last week, fear almost sent me down a path of giving my life force to a project that would have taken lots of energy with little return. What I couldn’t see at the time was that I was making the choice of how to spend my life force and the resources of my team because I was afraid that the offering I really wanted to give to the world wouldn’t be received. It took me four talks with trusted friends, and a deep dive into my heart to see that the “fear of rejection” had been activated. This is the ‘flavor of fear’ that can infect my heart and activate my ‘love cracks,’ the wounds of my heart that have received lots of healing but in times of stress or stretch can be re-activated. Because I am so intimate with my fear & my wise friends were willing to help me see my heart’s truth when I couldn’t, I did not go forward with the first project. Instead I cleared the fear, and the next day, woke up renewed and invigorated to let my heart lead.

Now it’s your turn. How can you tell if fear is driving your internal operating system and therefore influencing your choices? And how can you clear the fear so you can free your heart to lead?

Here’s a simplified five step process for clearing fear & liberating the heart to lead. Apply it to the choices where you feel pressure, stress or uncertainty, or you find yourself caught in a duality ping pong match, trying to figure it out.

  1. Slow down. Get out of your head and into your heart – breathe, walk, get into nature, mediate, get into the bath, whatever you do to slow down.
  2. Find and feel the fear in your heart. What are you afraid of? See it, name it and feel it.
  3. Fill in your ‘love cracks’ with love. What do you need to hear, know or feel to feel safe, supported, and cared for? Get love from yourself, from others, & the Divine. 
  4. What is your truth? Ask your heart and let the wisdom flow.
  5. Let your heart lead. What is the action that is aligned with your heart & soul. Take it, even if it, especially if it, scares you.   

If you’d like some love and support on a choice you are making, you can tune in to the “Freedomcast” I recently did for my weekly Feminine Power Time podcast to clear fear & liberate the heart to lead.

I invite you to commit to clearing the fear and letting your heart lead. Make the statement “I commit to clearing the fear. I let my heart lead” and post it here or say it outloud. And as the sages have always said, when you commit, the Divine reaches its hand down and leads the way.

Christine Arylo, m.b.a., is an inspirational catalyst, transformational teacher and best-selling self-love author who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the life their souls crave. The popular author of the go-to book on relationships Choosing ME before WE and the self-love handbook, Madly in Love with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and her newest Reform Your Inner Mean Girl. She’s affectionately known as the “Queen of Self-Love” for her groundbreaking work in self-love, including founding the international day of self-love on Feb 13th. Arylo is the co-founder of the self-love and empowerment school for women, Inner Mean Girl Reform School.  You can follow here on Twitter, FB or visit her sites here & here