“I hate you, I bet you wish I was never born!” rants my first born.
Getting the kids ready for school is the most stressful time of the day. It never fails to be the time when my hormonal eleven year old also decides to have a temper tantrum.
I always start out calm and composed. “That’s not true. It’s time to get ready. We need to leave in ten minutes.” I announce to my kids.
My daughter decides it is a good time to play the piano. I feel my blood pressure go up. “Let’s go, brush your hair!” I yell from the kitchen.
“Mom, why do you make me angry?” shouts my daughter.
Next thing I know she runs upstairs and locks herself in the bathroom. I look at the clock and it reads three minutes before school starts. I lose it. What do I do? Leave her there and take my son to school? Tears streaming down my face, I call my husband. How much more of this can I take?
As mothers we deal with a lot of stress, frustration, and challenges we never see coming. We knew it would be challenging when we signed up for this when we decided to have these little angels. But we didn’t agree to give up our sanity, our health, and our identity.
After I finally got my kids to school I sit down and scroll through Facebook, trying to decompress. At the top of my feed I notice a post advertising a movie called Bad Moms. It stars Mila Kunis, who plays Amy, who has a husband, overachieving children, beautiful home and successful career. Unfortunately, she’s overworked, exhausted and ready to snap.
Watching the trailer I wondered if this movie was about me. Was someone following me around taking notes? I laugh out loud.
With a full time career, I balance relationships between physicians, hospital executives, staff, and my manager. Then I come home and balance another four hours of scheduling for the next day, after school activities, dinner, and homework. Who wouldn’t become burned out, sick, and reactive?
Many women have had similar journeys. This is why there is so much excitement for the movie. Just like Mila Kunis’s character in Bad Mom, we are shouting to the world, “Enough!” We are tired of the kid drama, maintaining a household, trying to be perfect and prove ourselves to the world. We are tired of putting on our performance face and holding it together with a smile. We fantasize about dropping it all and moving to the Bahamas. We seek to let it all go and become the ‘bad mom.’
Who is this bad mom? Most women see her as the opposition to perfection. Bad mom doesn’t spend hours in the gym, doesn’t always have to have a GMO free organic meal ready at a moments notice. She will have a cocktail at lunch and will leave a pile of dirty dishes in the sink…OVER NIGHT! Bad mom is crazy, uninhibited, and loves herself!
Why can’t this fantasy be a reality?
Whether we have a career or choose to be home with our kids we create patterns based on a belief system that we need to do it all while still looking perfect. This becomes the super mom syndrome and we hold ourselves to expectations that can’t be met.
This is where it starts my friends.
Whatever your pattern is, understand it can lead to the perfect storm. This is where you snap. By not acknowledging your true self and your desires and investing large amounts of energy in being a perfect mom, your battery is drained and you decide to rebel. Maybe you go on a shopping spree, or that glass of wine with dinner become a bing drinking episode, maybe you have a habit of polishing off a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, or have an affair. These self-destructive behaviors may give momentary relief, but they are a band-aid.
The fantasy of being a bad mom is an opportunity and a wake up call. @tracy_martino (Click to Tweet!)
If you want real changes to occur in your life give yourself permission to go deep and ask yourself what it is about being bad that you find so attractive? What is it that you need to explore? What would you like to change?
I welcome you to track your bad mom fantasies. Create a Bad Mom Bucket List! Don’t worry, no one will see them but you. This will help you identify area of your life that need to change in order for you discover abundance in all areas of your life!
Now, instead of the Ben and Jerry’s or a nightcap try replacing your fantasy bad mom list with these self-affirming actions.
- Create boundaries
- Honor yourself
- Say “NO”
- Set limits – you don’t have to do everything
- Don’t take the bait of drama
- Get sleep, even if this means going to the guest room
- If you’re burned out, skip volunteer jobs (gasp)
- Communicate my sexual needs
- Sleep in (and not feel guilty about it)
- Treat yourself to a healthy splurge
I would love to hear your comments on how you feel being bad can be an opportunity for you. What have you struggled with? What are you afraid to admit? What would your “ideal” world look like? Remember there is opportunity in everything. We are in this life together.
Tracy Martino is CEO and founder of T. Martino Brands. She is an inspirational speaker, writer, poet and a performance coach. Tracy is passionate, dedicated and nurturing to individuals she works with while transforming their lives from a state of burnout to one of new potential. Look for her upcoming workshops: 5 Ways To Use Burnout to Reinvent Yourself and 3 Ways Your Emotional Junk Drawer Holds The Key For Healing. You can find Tracy at www.tracymartino.com or follow her on Twitter.