Many women wish that they loved themselves, and yet unhealthy body image often gets in the way of feeling worthy to find a mate or date!

We are constantly bombarded with images of beautiful, exotic, airbrushed women staring out at us from the covers of magazines with come-hither eyes and glossy lips, looking ultra glamorous on television and in the movies.

The one thing they all have in common?

They are skinny.

OK. I know times are changing. We had our first chunkier model, Ashley Graham, on a Sports Illustrated cover this year however, we all know most of the images we still see are of thin beautiful women.

It’s no fun for anyone to have to follow the “ideal” of beauty—especially when you don’t fit the mold.

Most of us don’t fit the mold. In fact, some of us feel like we are the jello made by the mold.

Millions of Americans are overweight. While you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, it doesn’t make it feel any better to feel like you will be the one least likely to be picked because of how you look.

While it’s true that body size does not dictate low body image, most heavy women who look in the mirror are disgusted with themselves. Soon they refuse to look in the mirror, because they have started to loathe the person they see reflected in it.

But how can someone love you if you don’t love yourself first? 

A person’s outside appearance makes them forget about the wonderful person on the inside. They lose sight of that because we live in a society where so much emphasis is put on appearance. Internal change is necessary as a coping mechanism with all of the external stimulus being thrown our way.

The good news is that no one is trapped. There is a mate for everyone who is seeking one. And the clearer you get into your power and feel your beauty from the inside out, the quicker you will attract that mate.

For those of you who like numbers, it’s a simple equation:

You Loving Yourself RIGHT NOW + You Showing Self-Love = Get Mate! @laurafenamore (Click to Tweet!)

It’s that simple. Here are three easy steps to follow to make this equation work:

  1. Love Yourself RIGHT NOW. This moment. Whether you are eating Ho-Hos or a banana, at work or taking care of a child, wearing overalls or holey underwear or a bad perm… whatever, just stop, and say, “I love you, [insert your name here].” It will probably feel silly at first. Who cares? Do it again. And again. And again, until you believe it… and keep doing it—in the mirror, in your reflection in the elevator (next to that guy who always smells like Vicks vapo-rub), wherever you see yourself. Every time you want to say something negative, say, “I love you,” and then blow a kiss at yourself!

  2. Show You Love Yourself. Take YOURSELF out on a date. Get yourself nice things, rub your shoulders or your feet (or whatever else feels like getting rubbed…!), send yourself a card or flowers. Court yourself! Why not? You’re in love, and that’s what people in love do.

  3. Get Your Mate! Your mate will fall in love with you just as you have fallen head-over-heels for yourself. He or she will see you at the movies, laughing with your real, true laugh—or eating at a restaurant, smiling over your meal and savoring every bite. He or she will think, “Who IS that mysterious God/Goddess over there? I must talk to him/her, take him/her on approximately two-point-five dates, and then propose for marriage immediately!”

Beauty is an inside job and it is up to each individual to recognize their beauty. Because when one uses others to see their self-worth and beauty, it usually backfires in the long run.

The person of your dreams, your soul mate, as cliché as this may sound, will see you, not the let’s-try to-impress-others-you, but the real, you.

So your body image match isn’t necessarily someone who weighs the same, looks the same, or buys the same clothes as you do. It’s the person whose heart was created to match yours.

It is who you are, not what you look like.

That doesn’t mean that you need to carry around an ultrasound machine, checking out every potential candidate and seeing if their right angle is parallel to yours. It means you can walk around confident that no matter who you are and what you look like, your soul mate will see you for who you really are—and love you for it.

Yes, attraction matters. But it’s not sustainable in the long run if hearts and minds do not meet as well.

So be yourself, love your looks and from that place and space you will attract the person of your dreams. I would love to hear how positivity and self-love have helped you on your journey? Please share below.

Laura Fenamore, Body Image Expert, Coach and acclaimed Author is on a mission to help women around the world end the constant battle with their bodies and start adoring who they see in the mirror. Her approach walks students and readers through the heartfelt journey to self-love at any size or age by unlocking the secrets to a lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual health. After overcoming a lifelong battle with addiction, obesity, and eating disorders, Laura released 100 pounds – keeping it off for more than 28 years. She chronicles this journey to self-love and health in her widely acclaimed book, Skinny, Fat, Perfect: Love Who You See in the Mirror. Learn more about Laura’s programs, or invite her to speak by visiting