To me, the Matrix is the illusion we create for ourselves. The illusion that we are the person we embody on this earth, we are the jobs we have, and we are the people we spend our lives with. That what you feel is associated with the people in your life, the things that you do and the experiences you have. That you need to do something in order to receive something. That there’s something missing in your life. That you don’t have the necessary knowledge and skills to live your life.

Living an illusionary life usually goes with (unconscious) feelings of frustration, loneliness, emptiness, and longing. But we don’t see these emotions as what they truly are. Instead, we try to forget we feel that way by losing ourselves in food and entertainment. But these emotions are your way out. They are telling you that you’re living a life not in line with your true self.

And there’s a way out of this Matrix. There’s a simple (and at the same time challenging) way out of the Matrix that I will tell you about in this article. And as I always do, I’ll use my personal example to illustrate my point.

What does the Matrix consist of?

Most of us are born into the Matrix and for most of us, it takes a conscious effort to get out of it. We are born into a family and into a community that has certain beliefs about themselves and the world and you are being brought up with these beliefs and most of us will start to believe them as well.

And by believing these beliefs you are grounding yourself in the Matrix and you forget the truth with which you were born.

The Matrix, the illusion, keeps you away from you inner universal wisdom and from your innate creative abilities by letting you believe the following beliefs.

There’s lack.

Because you can see and hold things it seems as if the things are only there when you see and hold them. And when you don’t see and hold them, they’re not there. So when you don’t have enough money, it seems as if there’s not enough money. If you don’t have the things you want, it seems as if the things you want are not there.

But at the same time as you are thinking and feeling that, you also don’t have an elephant, or a spoon, or a crocodile, or a tarantula. But you don’t seem to be missing those at that moment. But as they are not in your presence, it seems as if they are not there. But all those things are already there. Somewhere there’s an elephant, a spoon, a crocodile and a tarantula. And somewhere is already that what you desire. Because everything is already available. Everything is already present. Long before Edison invented his inventions, the possibilities were already there. Because they were not seen or felt by him at the time, didn’t mean they weren’t available.

So, because we associate availability with holding and seeing things, we start to believe that when we don’t hold or see them, they are not here or there for us to attain. While everything is already available to you. Edison knew in his soul that what he desired was already here. And he tried, and tried, and tried until finally, he got his breakthrough. And because of his trying, and trying and trying he’s become a huge inspiration to so many people to keep going when the going gets tough.

For me, I’ve been struggling with money since I left my parents’ house. I believed from a young age on that I wasn’t worthy and I associated worthiness with money. Because I don’t feel worthy I bring with me a certain vibration with which I attract experiences and people with the same vibration. So because I felt unworthy of money I attracted situations and experiences with no money. As to emphasize my own belief; I’m not worthy; I’m not capable; I don’t deserve abundance.

Life gives you what you ask for, and Life gave me what I believed and how I felt.

So I believed I had a lack of money because I had no money. But when I changed my inner vibration and changed how I looked at myself and with that changed my vibration, I also changed my money situation. Money has always been there because there’s no lack of anything.

Feelings are associated with something outside yourself.

When you meet someone who resonates with you, you start to feel love. When you get something you’ve always wanted, you start to feel abundant. When you get a good grade, you feel satisfied. When you get a compliment, you feel worthy. When you have lots of money, you feel abundant. When you travel the world, you feel grateful.

Feelings are associated with experiences and things, while an experience or a thing can never give you any feeling whatsoever. You cannot feel anything outside of your own body. You cannot feel the tablecloth. You cannot feel the other persons’ skin. What you feel is within YOU. Everything that you see and feel, happens within your own body.

So whenever you experience something you create your own feeling of abundance, frustration, joy or love. It’s not that thing, person or experience outside of you that gives you the feeling.

YOU give yourself that feeling. But we’re so used to associating feelings with people and experiences outside of ourselves that we forget that we generate and create those feelings ourselves. And that we have the power to create those feelings whenever we want to.

Yes, it is easier when circumstances are in line with those feelings, but then you’re missing the point. Because you’ve got the power to create your feelings whenever and wherever and regardless of your circumstances.

My money struggles are associated with my feelings of self-worth. But because I never worked on my belief about myself I kept emphasizing the belief I lacked money. It wasn’t until I started to work on my belief about myself and to feel good about myself that I started to change my beliefs about money. But as I write this article abundance is coming and going and is still not the way I desire. But the major difference is that I feel amazing. I haven’t felt this good in years. Because I’ve dissociated my feelings from my circumstances, I can feel amazing whenever and where ever I want to. It’s still something I need to “work” on as my life is not the dream life I desire yet on a manifestation level, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling amazing regardless of that.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world so you can tell where and what kind of inner work you still need to do by looking at your circumstances. I’m taking my circumstances as a lesson to feel abundance and gratitude every day. I now know there’s no lack of anything and that I don’t need certain things/people/experiences in order to feel a certain way. I have everything I need within me.

You have to do something in order to get something.

In order to feel loved, we have to act a certain way. In order to make money, we have to do something (“earn” money). In order to feel grateful, we have to experience something amazing to us.  “Nothing in this world comes for free”. If you want something, you have to earn it. You have to work for it.

But the only work you ever need to do is your inner work. Everything around you is vibration and the world gives you what you ask for. If you feel low, you’ll get experiences with the same low vibrations. If you feel amazing, you get experiences with the same amazing vibrations. So if you really want something, the only “work” you need to do is focus on how you feel. How you feel determines how you live your life. So if you let your circumstances dictate how you feel, you’ll attract more of the same. Instead, tune in and create your desired feeling REGARDLESS of your circumstances. Make your inner vibration your TOP priority.

I grew up with the belief that I needed to work to get either good grades or to earn good money. I needed to work on myself (be different) and I needed to do work to earn money (and not do what I love, because you cannot always do what you love). So I worked my booty off. I went to university while having an immense fear of failure. I worked at jobs to pay the bills even though those jobs were not fulfilling to me. Working so hard and ignoring myself left me with two depression episodes and with me almost losing everything including my house twice.

When I let go of the belief that I needed to do something in order to get something I could relax in the feeling of Trust that what I do is the right thing to do and that things will turn out.

Letting that belief go made me relax and ease into the flow of life instead of fighting and pushing my way through it.

You can definitely say it took me some time to learn these lessons as well as letting these beliefs go. But Life isn’t meant to be this hard. It’s not meant to be struggled through. It’s not meant to be pushed through. You are already perfect with everything you bring and all you really need to do is focus on how you feel on the inside. Then life will unfold itself in the right way for you.

Why the Matrix isn’t right for you.

Living in the Matrix has never made me feel good. From a young age on I felt a discrepancy between how I felt from the inside and what the world outside expected of me. I tried to live up to these expectations and I made other people’s beliefs my own and as a consequence, ignoring my own souls’ calling. This left me frustrated, disconnected and confused. As a young girl, I numbed these feeling by watching TV. When I was a teenager I started using food. In my 20’s I used alcohol, drugs, and sex.

Later on in life did I learn that these negative feelings were a calling from my soul to come back home. Whatever makes you feel so bad, is not in line with your true self. Your emotions are your guidance system to your true self. Whatever is not in line with who you truly are, doesn’t make you feel good.

And me feeling so bad for so long was my higher and true self patiently communicating to me that the way I was living my life is not the way I’m supposed to live my life.

It took me so long to learn my lessons because I kept numbing and ignoring my negative emotions. I kept running away from them because I felt too scared to even try to be and do as I truly am because of the beliefs that I adopted from my surroundings.

Believing there isn’t enough of something, or that you’re not wise enough, or that you need things in order to feel a certain way, doesn’t feel good to anybody. When you’re truly honest with yourself, believing these things doesn’t make you feel good. Why? Because they’re not true.

Empathize your way out of the illusion.

It took me about 20 years to get out of this illusion, the Matrix. 20 years of believing these beliefs and trying to live a life not in line with who I truly am. During those 20 years, I kept studying and practicing and moving forward on my spiritual path in seeing Life how she truly is. But there’s been one crucial experience that shifted something essential within me. And that was Empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of other people. I have had that ability since I was a young girl and it has helped and assisted me tremendously in my coaching career. But the turning point for me was experiencing empathy by friends of mine.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed because I couldn’t live my life according to those beliefs. I tried but I felt horrible during all that time because I felt unworthy and I couldn’t allow abundance to come into my life. I felt trapped in a vicious circle I didn’t know how to get out of. I started to reach out to them less and less and even not talking to them for a couple of years. When I was in my second stride of almost losing everything I was so confused as to how I seemed to do everything wrong, I reached out and asked them how they perceived me and if I was right in perceiving myself as always doing things wrong and being such a dumb and bad person.

And they disagreed. They had an entirely different view of me and they showed me empathy. They showed me love and support. They showed me understanding. And experiencing such a discrepancy between what I created in my mind and what their experience was, made the shells fall off my eyes.

I experienced what it was like to truly be empathized with, to be understood and loved regardless. I wasn’t able to give myself that empathy but I realized that empathy and compassion towards yourself are essential in stepping out of the illusion. Seeing myself through the eyes of other people who have known me for such a long time through all the ups-and-downs was the same as watching myself through my own eyes.

Being able to see yourself honestly and truly and empathize with what you were going through and the choices you made, will clear the way for you to step out of the beliefs you held on to for so long and open your heart and mind for the beliefs that are in line with your true self.

On an ending note and some tips.

So here’s my advice to you when you feel stuck in beliefs that don’t serve you and how to work on empathizing your way out of the Matrix.

Believing the above-mentioned beliefs keeps you away from you inner universal wisdom and from your innate worthiness. So when you find yourself at the crossroads of wanting to get out of the Matrix, start with the following:

  1. Create a loving environment within. If you can love whatever comes up, you are ready to see the fears and anger for living in the Matrix. It’s okay for those emotions to be there.
  2. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. What do you feel? What do you want? What don’t you want? Let your own desires unapologetically be there.
  3. Stop believing what everybody tells you and what you tell yourself. Stop believing the beliefs that make you feel bad.
  4. Forgive yourself for giving these beliefs meaning. There’s no one to blame and certainly, you are not to blame. It’s a process you go through and that process will give you life lessons and insights that you are meant to learn. It’s okay to stray away from what’s true for you. It’s okay to have believed these beliefs. You are okay. Forgive yourself. Anger and resentment won’t get you anywhere but feeling constricted and frustrated. And what do these emotions tell you? That what you’re thinking is not true. So being mad at yourself is not true for you. You did what you did and now you want to do otherwise. Congratulate yourself for such an insight and forgive yourself as well.
  5. Empathize with yourself. Give yourself Love. See yourself through the eye of a beloved one. See yourself through your eyes of empathy and love.

If you follow these steps you’ll open up to different possibilities and different beliefs for you to discover. You can openly and lovingly discover what beliefs resonate truly with you and make a conscious decision to be your true self.



Carmen Smallegange is a coach specialized in uncovering and transforming limiting beliefs. Using her own life lessons she shines a new and fresh light on negative experiences to empower others to do the same and to acknowledge and step into their own amazing potential. You can get her free workbook on how to transform your fears or follow her on Facebook.



Image courtesy of Capucine Moda.