After witnessing so many (including yours truly) on the path of transformation, I have noticed there are developmental phases to personal growth. It’s important to know where we are in the process so we can:
- Not have expectations to be further along and move into acceptance of where we are in our journey.
- Understand the phase that is ahead of us so we have direction in terms of where we are headed.
- Accept where other people are in their journey with more compassion and understanding.
Curious about what these phases are and which one you are in? Then be sure to watch today’s vlog where I explain each stage.
**Note: every person is different, this is not a one-size-fits-all model but one I find fits many. You also may go back and repeat the phases when an expectation hangover triggers new awareness or new insights inspire new learning.**
Phase One: Asleep
Most of you reading this are either past or at the end of this phase because if you were asleep, you would not resonate with my work. So, yay! You are awake!! But I bet you remember being asleep when your old story, conditioning and fears ruled you. In this phase it is common for us to play the victim and believe we do not have the power or ability to change our own life. Blame, over-responsibility, fear, and lack of fulfillment are common when we are asleep. Then something happens and we move to stage two….
Phase Two: Awakening
Usually after a good old-fashioned Expectation Hangover, we reach a point where we are so disappointed or thrown off course that we wake up and start paying more attention to why we are the way we are. We begin to learn that the results in our life are not just random. This is when new tools, teachers and experiences come into our lives that help us wake up. We begin to start connecting the dots of our own life. We also begin to understand that all of us on this human journey are here to learn, grow and remember who we really are. This is a time full of “ah-ha” moments – some which are exciting and some which are downright surprising.
Phase Three: Integration
This is a doozy and the longest phase because this is when we shift from knowing things to actually changing things. If you feel like you have a lot of information but things in your life are not shifting, welcome to the integration phase – it’s time to roll up your sleeves!! Awareness is not enough for transformation. We must change our belief systems & behaviors. This is a time when we drop our story and upgrade our programming. It is a time when we do the courageous emotional work to heal old issues so they no longer define us. It is a time when we take all the tools we have learned and actually use them, consistently!
This is also the phase where we get a lot of do-overs, which are opportunities to respond to a similar situation in a different way. One of the most powerful ways to heal and break a pattern is when we are experiencing it. The awareness phase provides us with great “aha” moments but it often takes actually being in the kind of moments that trigger us for transformation to occur. Do-overs are necessary for integration so that awareness moves from just a concept to something you can actually apply to change your programming. (You can read more about do-ers and get some examples here.)
Phase Four: Acceptance
We move into this phase once our programming has been shifted. We think, behave and feel different. We are not a new person, in fact, we are more authentically ourselves than ever before because limiting beliefs and old stories have been dropped. Does this mean we are totally evolved and never have anything to work on? NO! We are still human, yet we have integrated so many tools and shifted so much that when expectation hangovers happen, we move into acceptance. We stop fighting with reality and either accept it or change it. We are happy with ourselves, our lives and no longer triggered by the things we used to be triggered by.
Phase Five: Application & Service
In this phase, we are not as focused on working on ourselves or changing our own lives. Instead, we are focused on a bigger vision and changing the lives of others. We feel called to share the love we feel. The truth that we are light and love is not just something we know, it is something we feel. Many people want to jump to this phase when they are actually still in the integration phase so, please, be patient with yourself and your journey. There is no “gold star” or rush when it comes to your evolution.
As I mentioned earlier, this is not a one-size-fits-all model but one I find fits many. There is not one phase that is better than the next because they all are rich with learning!!! You also may go back and repeat the phases when an expectation hangover triggers new awareness or new insights inspire new learning.
P.S. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps.
Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.
Image courtsey of Geralt.