Welcome to Part Two of how to avoid the disappearing dating disaster known as ghosting and handle the emotional aftermath if it has happened to you. In this video, I am talking specifically about how to understand this experience and grow from it. So if you haven’t seen Part One from last week’s Real Love Revolution video, you’ll want to watch that first.

In this video, I cover:

  • How to protect yourself when dating
  • Recognizing (rather than ignoring) the signs of a ghoster
  • A healthy mindset to adopt after being ghosted (It doesn’t mean something is wrong with YOU!)
  • How to survive and learn from a ghosting experience

After last week’s video, many of you wrote in stating that you had been ghosted multiple times, some even from long-term partners. Each inquiry ended with a request for me to share what it means about you. Although it may feel natural to ask, “Why me? What did I do wrong?”, that is not an empowered line of questioning because it implies blame and fault. There may be unresolved, unconscious experiences around disappointment or abandonment that could be impacting who you’re attracting. Either way, when you are ghosted, it creates feelings of confusion, helplessness, pain and rejection which can be even more intense if you’ve been intimate or been in a relationship. That makes it feel personal in a different way. Since you cannot turn back the hands of time, the only productive option is to decide how you’ll respond, what you’ll make the experience mean and what wisdom you’ll take away.

Profile of a Ghoster & Your Part of the Dance

Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity at best and a full-blown personality disorder at worst. Someone who has the capacity to just disappear is not emotionally solid. This could indicate an ability to compartmentalize (kind of like those people who have secret second families) or who see dating partners as pawns in the game of getting their desires fulfilled. Whatever the other person’s pathology, the empowered question for you is what signs did you ignore and how is being abandoned familiar to you? Answering these questions is a way to understand how you might be unconsciously attracting this experience into your life.

To learn more about how to bounce back from being ghosted AND how to grow from the experience, watch this week’s video and download the full Ghosting Checklist: Understanding Your Part by clicking at the bottom of the post. By doing this little exercise, you can gain clarity about any unconscious material that might be making you vulnerable.

Ghosting is painful for everyone involved, so let’s all agree that we are going to treat each other with respect, like decent human beings even when it’s easier to run away! The more you know about yourself, the less likely you will be to fall victim to being ghosted.


Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Anemone123.