Have you ever secretly felt like you are monumentally broken in some way?
This feeling can stem from experiences from childhood or young adulthood that you’ve buried or kept secret and although you may not talk about it, it is always there.
In this week’s Real Love Revolution video, I’m going to be talking about that deep-seated feeling of being broken, which is really the feeling of shame. I will be covering:
- The difference between guilt and shame
- What shame needs to thrive in your current life
- How to rid yourself of shame
- An exercise to heal old shameful experiences
- The truth about how to heal from shame
Shame and guilt might seem the same but they are very different. Guilt says, “I think I DID something wrong,” and shame says, “I think I AM something wrong.” Shame is one of the lowest vibration emotions and if left unchecked will do deep damage to your self identity. Shame commonly stems from childhood experiences. Although most of us experienced things that made us feel temporary shame in childhood, toxic or chronic feelings of shame in adulthood usually originates from some kind of chronic abuse, neglect or degradation.
For shame to continue to thrive in adulthood secrecy, silence and judgment need to be in place. It can also be incredibly isolating as most people don’t talk about it.
The antidote for shame is self-compassion and self-empathy – this is how those chains that bind you in shame are broken. Silence is what perpetuates shame.
Being in a safe situation and making a heart connection with like-minded people allows you to share and be vulnerable. You suddenly aren’t alone in it anymore and the grip that toxic shame has had on you starts to loosen.
Negative self-talk, the inner mean girl, or your mafia mind, also must be shut down. It is common for your inner cruel voice to be the internalized voice of someone who was constantly criticizing and judging you in childhood. That voice isn’t even yours. We have to tell that inner mean chick to sit down, and shut up because you’re in charge now – not your fear mind. Self-compassion trains us to treat ourselves with the same kindness and care that we show to our good friends or a beloved child.
In the video above, I go through a visualization exercise that helps you heal from a past shameful experience. (Download and try this exercise here)
The truth about healing from shame is that you must provide for yourself the good, nurturing, encouraging parent that you might not have had. This means letting yourself make a mistake, and then being comforting not cruel to yourself. Treating yourself with, at least, the same amount of love, kindness and consideration that you would a friend. Because you deserve that love as much as anyone else. Tell yourself the supportive and loving things that you really need to hear. Words of positive affirmation from you to you are powerful.
Self-compassion and empathy have the power to cure toxic shame. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
Drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you after watching the video above. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for FREE access to every Real Love Revolution vid! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!
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Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
And as always, take care of YOU.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.