Do you have people in your life who are so difficult, so demanding, that when it comes time for you to speak your mind or ask for what you want, it’s just not worth it? Does the amount of stress this causes make you want to just appease them or continue to ‘suck it up’?
Today I am breaking down how to negotiate difficult relationships, and how to set boundaries with impossible people, including narcissists. In this week’s Real Love Revolution video, I cover:
- What a boundary is
- How to know your boundary style
- The benefits of drawing healthy boundaries
- Strategies and language for drawing boundaries with difficult people
Let’s start by identifying what boundaries are – the act of drawing a boundary is simply you being clear about what is okay with you and what isn’t in a relationship. If you were raised in a family system that didn’t teach you healthy boundaries, and most of us were raised with some kind of dysfunctional boundary system, it can be difficult to set healthy boundaries in adult life.
Drawing boundaries effectively is actually learning an entirely new language. Think about who you are trying to draw boundaries with in your life now. If you have a narcissist in your life, they will react very negatively to you trying to set a boundary. Narcissists believe they are above rules and feel entitled to getting what they want. So when you try to set a boundary, they will do whatever they can to try to dissuade you.
Drawing boundaries with difficult people is not for the weak at heart, and you have to look at your own style of drawing boundaries to know what will work for you.
What kind of relationship do you have with these difficult people? What is your part, your role, in this relationship? Oftentimes when people are in these relationships, they give up because it’s easier to let the other person control every situation than to push back. But when you give in all the time to another person, you really lose yourself. It is your job to take care of yourself and to be clear about what you want.
The truth is, drawing boundaries is an act of love in relationships. When you draw a boundary, you are sharing valuable data about your authentic self. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
If the person is healthy enough to be flexible and really loves you, they will care about how you feel, even if they are initially defensive. And you can draw boundaries with kindness and love.
There are a few ways to set boundaries with difficult people. Click here to download my Boundary Language Tips & Visualization Exercise to learn how. The crucial element to setting successful boundaries is consistency, which can be challenging. You have to learn the boundary basics and then use them over and over again to keep your boundaries firm, yet fair. You need courage to set boundaries, and I know you have that in you!
Let me know what resonated with you after watching the video. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for FREE access to every Real Love Revolution vid! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!
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Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
And as always, take care of YOU.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.