I really suck at letting friends go.
Since I was little, I’ve had the deepest attachments to my friends, old and new. When I was 16, I’d take off in the middle of the night, escape my apartment and parents to help a friend. Sometimes it was a breakup. Sometimes depression. My best girlfriend lost her mom to cancer. She had no money and was eating a cup of rice twice a day to try and make it through school. We were besties. We wrote each other long letters over the summer when we were apart. I felt good when I was needed, could be there, could help her.
I felt good having a sister that was so understanding and loyal. As a rebellious teenager, who was bullied for years, with parents going through a tough divorce, I’ve developed strong connections with my sisters. I felt a lot of love, support, and like myself that way. It felt like home, often.
It was in college when I realized I had to learn how to move on when things are moving on. I’ve never had many girlfriends, but the ones I had were skin-to-skin close to me. We went through significant growth spurts together, as young people do. We spent long days and nights in heartfelt, sincere conversations. We cried our hearts out when one of us was hurt. We’d ditch classes and go for long walks, exploring the city, or hiding from parents and responsibilities. We wanted to connect, share, and feel good. So we did. We grew together.
I’ve kept a few friendships over the years. Being a military spouse and business owner, having no children and having immigrated twice, I can say it makes many things difficult. I’ve made friends everywhere I’ve gone. My extended family is huge. I’ve learned that new is always so enticing – new places, new friendships, new adventures. Yet I know deep down inside I still miss my besties, my soul sisters. They grew up, got married, had kids, got divorced, moved, and experienced life to the fullest without sharing. Without me. Is it selfish of me to think that way, even though I’m incredibly giddy and happy for their successes? Am I naive to think that this kind of sisterhood is not something I’ll be able to find in my adult life?
My super friendly personality has never changed. I worked through childhood trauma and healed the wounds I had. Being bullied can make you or break you. That definitely helped me to create a whole new level of healthy relationships, first of of, with myself, and then with others. You learn how let the attachments go. I’ve learned that my priorities were not always aligned with my loved ones.
Often, friendship is just good for a certain timeframe, has an expiration date, and it’s surprisingly beneficial for both parties.
Later in the years, I got married, and it’s one of the best friendships I could possibly dream of having. I hope that everyone can find something special like this but I still don’t get over lost friendships easily. I often wonder if it is just the natural course of life. The huge funnel of people I was surrounded with, with so many deep connections has shrunk. It all whirled down to a single point like a tornado’s eye. The most important person in my life. I’m lucky to have my best friend by my side at all times, good and bad.
I find myself longing for the kind of friendship and sisterhood that will last decades. We can joke how we’re going to dye our hair blue in our seventies, and listen to Jim Morrison, while sipping on some good scotch. The kind of friendship that will allow us to go on a trip just for the girls to read, sleep in, have tea, swim, and bask in the sun. The kind where you’ll hug each other tight and help each other mourn our losses and life’s hardships. When we’ll laugh so hard, we will not be able to breathe or see through our tears, I wonder is being an adult too serious?
I reach out to my besties. I connect with others with an open heart, daily. I have an amazing circle of women who lift me up, and I’m honored to be working with like-minded girls on a daily basis.
In a way, letting go of the old is one of the wisest and hardest things to implement. For the good or bad, it never goes away. We learn and grow with our connections to others, regardless if they are with us for a day or forever.
Those old friendships are like your favorite books – you can pick it up wherever you left off, start reading, and discover precious details you hadn’t noticed before. @anyaperry1 (Click to Tweet!)
Keep them. Breathe them in, and let them go, at least a bit – because they aren’t going anywhere. And if they are, call them up, and have a virtual cup of tea with lots of laughter. We can be connected in seconds today, and day-dream about our future adventures. Take advantage of those distractions that often keep us from our closest ones; phones, computers, tablets, and use them to keep those connections strong.
Have you ever had friendships that lasted a lifetime? Have you ever met someone new that instantly became a best friend? Reach out to them, say “hi,” and let them know.
Anya Perry battled boring diets, low energy, and declining health for over 10 years before she found what works. Now, she helps women achieve their dream state of health, fitness, and vitality… without the struggles, battles of miserable diets, and yo-yo results. She can be found at anyaperry.com, Facebook and Twitter.
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