When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, do you politely decline their invitation or do you say yes even though you want to say no? Do you lend money to people although you know it will end badly or go to restaurants where you don’t like the food to make someone else happy?

These are all examples of unhealthy boundaries.

In today’s Boundary Bootcamp video, I’m excited to help you de-mystify any boundary issues you may be experiencing. Self-knowledge contains the power of transformation.

In today’s vlog, I discuss:

  • Misconceptions about boundaries
  • Defining boundaries and blueprints
  • Questions to help you understand your personal boundary background
  • The impact weak or dysfunctional boundaries might have on your relationships


Misconceptions and confusion about what healthy boundaries are and how to employ them were my inspiration to create the Boundary Bootcamp Challenge. Many of my clients and students fear that drawing boundaries is synonymous with creating a confrontation, being demanding or building relationship walls. This is simply not true if the boundaries you learn to create are healthy and flexible. In fact, healthy boundaries become the bridge to deeper intimacy and more harmony in your relationships. According to Brene Brown, drawing effective boundaries equates to readily telling the people in your life what is okay with you and what is not okay with you. I love this simple, clear explanation but getting there requires a certain amount of self-understanding of what I refer to as your downloaded boundary blueprint.

Healthy boundaries become the bridge to deeper intimacy and more harmony in your relationships. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)

All of us have downloaded blueprints in our subconscious minds of how things work, in all areas of life.

I use the term “blueprint” because a downloaded belief system is like the architectural blueprint for a house…that someone 
else designed. Whether it’s boundaries, finances, love, health or any other aspect of your life, how you were raised, what you observed, your culture and your home environment, among other factors, informed those blueprints.

Blueprints are passed down through generations and if they go unexamined, become your reality. However, just as with any architectural blueprint, you can alter your mind’s framework if the one you have is not producing the results you seek. The first step to becoming a boundary ninja is to understand your current downloaded boundary blueprint because you cannot change what you do not consciously know.

To get started, answer the questions below:

  1. Were people allowed to have privacy in the home you grew up in?
  2. Were you encouraged or discouraged to express your individual feelings, especially if they differed from the majority?
  3. Did your parents problem-solve with calm conversation or with verbal or physical violence?

Click here to download the full list of questions for your Downloaded Boundary Blueprint and to watch the video.

Having unhealthy or weak boundaries is exhausting, unsatisfying and counter-productive to you being authentically known. How can anyone authentically love you, if they don’t authentically know you? So please join me during my upcoming Boundary Bootcamp Challenge to get your Boundary Intelligence on because you, my dear, deserve to be authentically known and loved!

Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!

All Love & Boundaries,

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.