Do you feel powerless in your relationship?
If your partner wins every argument by expertly twisting your words and the facts to the point that you end up apologizing or completely confused about what REALLY happened, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
In today’s episode, we are going to be talking about the three fool-proof strategies and boundary tools you can use to shut down a narcissist and take your power back. In this video, I will cover:
- What defines a narcissist
- How to take back your power
- Three strategies for setting boundaries with narcissists
- Advice for deciding who gets to be in your life
Let’s start by identifying the definition of a narcissist. Any online dictionary will generally define a narcissist as someone who needs excessive attention and admiration, has a grandiose sense of self, a tendency to exaggerate accomplishments and will exploit interpersonal relationships for their gain. It’s a psychological disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy (which is really key here), and unconscious deficits in their own self-esteem. Narcissists are also always seeking their narcissistic supply, so what feeds them? Interpersonal drama and highly charged emotional interactions.
What can you actually do to get your power back in this situation, even when it can seem utterly hopeless?
The first strategy is to be selective. Be discerning with what you share with any narcissist. In last week’s video, I discussed the Gray Rock Method, and how if you fully employ that method, you will actually be inspiring the narcissist to break up with you so you don’t have to end it with them and endure their wrath. The Gray Rock Method is all about becoming bland and boring, which is the opposite of what fuels a narc. Becoming selective about what you share with narcissists is a way of protecting yourself and what matters to you.
The second tip is to know what you signed up for, even if it was a long time ago. It’s time to get educated if you believe this person is a narcissist. If they actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, they will most likely never change and no amount of you trying to get them to change will work. Knowledge is power. Research and learn as much as you can because there are different kinds of narcissism. It’s not always overt with a grandiose personality. There’s also a covert narcissist which can present as very weak, mild and insecure, and yet, they can be masters at quietly controlling you and making you feel insecure and like a terrible person. When you’re clear about the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, you’ll be able to manage your own expectations.
The third tip is for you to honestly assess, right now, if you’re actually required to have this person in your life. The Gray Rock Method is especially helpful if you don’t have a choice. If this is the father or mother of your children, you can’t simply go no-contact. But there are people you might be getting involved with right now, as friends, mentors, lovers, employees, who could be narcissists. Deeply assess who you allow into your precious life and why. Being discerning now could save you years of pain and suffering in the future.
Click HERE to watch the video and download the complete Cheat Sheet: How to Shut Down a Narcissist right now.
Knowledge is power. Take this advice and learn everything you can and you will be in a much better position to avoid being controlled by others.
To successfully protect yourself you must first believe that you have the right to choose, then you need strategies and language to draw rock solid boundaries. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
I believe you can do it and I will be cheering you on like a wild maniac!
Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
All Love & Boundaries,
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.