It’s Hurts, But It Doesn’t Have to Last

Suffering arises from wishing that your life had gone down a different path. If we look at reality, your life is always on course to be different. We cannot recapture what is gone, and by spending energy on replaying the past or imagining what “would have been,” you are standing in the way of the potential for growth and happiness. The universe doesn’t deliver all our lessons at once. There are speed bumps!

When you are in divine timing, everything exists for a reason. There is no “slow” or “fast,” only “what is.” @DerekONeill101 (Click to Tweet!)

The new chapter in your life that will begin after a breakup may not feel like a welcome one, but you have the power to approach it as an opportunity.

Working Through Change

Adjusting to your life after the end of a marriage/partnership is different for each person but it rarely all falls magically into place. There will be a period that feels unsettling. Remind yourself that this is perfectly normal. If you have children, they are adapting to all the changes. You will be focusing on them, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Friends and family may be giving you advice or encouraging you to go out. Support is wonderful but you need to listen to your own needs. Take your time.

Many people will try to compensate for whatever they are feeling. Some will jump into new relationships quickly, looking for validation of their being attractive and lovable. Know that the validation must come from within.

Getting to a place of strong self-love may take a while. Allow this process to unfold. Be mindful of your decisions and actions when you are fresh out of a marriage. You may be much more susceptible to your triggers. Try to act with intention, not react to emotion.

Healing The Inner Wounds

Learning to love again might mean learning to trust again – this is a process. It is important to connect with your feelings, accept them, but also not allow them to take on a life of their own. You might be grappling with insecurity, or shame, or fear. Your financial situation may have been affected. If you are sharing custody of children, you are adjusting to periods of not being with them. All of this can affect how you feel about love. It would be easy to become convinced that you cannot open your heart again. A breakup can be a crossroad where you must consciously make the decision to know that you can love, maybe not today or even tomorrow, but at some point. When you have healed and gained perspective, you will be able to ask yourself “What do I want?” and “What do I need?” Maybe you never truly sat with these questions before. Now is your chance.

Finding Meaning

After a breakup or divorce, think about your growth. What have you learned? You have loved another person and even though you are no longer together, you take that ability to love back out into the world. Can you help others and be of service because of your experience? Life is a series of beginnings and endings, for everyone. All of us live in a cycle of events and situations that make us human. We have the capacity to be loving beings as we move through our time here on earth. No matter what brings you to this point in your life, know that you are not alone and you have so much to offer to the world when you tap into the love that resides within you!


Derek O’Neill, fondly referred to as the Celtic Sage, inspires and uplifts people from all walks of life, offering guidance to influential world leaders, businesses, celebrities, athletes and everyday people alike. Distilled from his life work in psychotherapy, a martial arts career and study with wise yogis and Indian and Tibetan masters, Derek translates ancient wisdom into modern day teachings to address the biggest challenges facing humanity today. For additional insights listen to his free radio archives or order his book on Love & Divorce.


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