Do you equate forgiveness with losing something, or condoning the bad behavior of someone else? If you forgive, do you feel like someone has gotten over on you in some way? If you have ever felt that, in this episode I am going to teach you how to let yourself out of resentment prison – or as I call it, The New Forgiveness.
The reason you should forgive them is to liberate YOU! It’s really not about them, it’s more about releasing toxic emotions that can interfere with you creating the life you want or your future happiness. So basically this is a reframe of ‘forgiveness’, and it’s really a much more accurate description.
When you contemplate forgiving someone, you tend to put the emphasis on them, but it’s really not about them – it’s about you.
Believe me when I say:
‘Forgiveness is for the FORGIVER’. @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
By letting yourself out of ‘resentment prison’ you are freeing up all this space in your mind. How much “mind real estate” do you want to let this person occupy? They may not even be around anymore, and yet you are still keeping it going! This is about YOU. It’s not about whether they deserve forgiveness, it about whether you deserve the freedom and lightness that comes from releasing and learning about yourself from a crappy experience. When you stay focused on how you’ve been wronged and by whom, you block yourself from living in the here and now.
Don’t let THEN dictate NOW.
Like our January Burn Ritual, this is not about blaming other people, this is about finding the gems of wisdom in the difficult situations and releasing the negative energy.
But it takes a little work, so let’s look at a few things you can do to get to this place of forgiveness – a place of lightness and freedom that YOU deserve. Forgiveness is for you! It frees your heart.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” ~ Buddha
Click the download button below to learn 4 steps you can take to free yourself from resentment prison. And remember, please be kind to yourself, and remind yourself that everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way. Freeing yourself from resentment prison may not happen overnight – especially if you’re healing old wounds that have been there for a long time. Deciding to liberate yourself can bring up painful memories so be gentle with yourself and if you need help, be sure to reach out for professional guidance.
One final thing to consider is this: Hanging onto resentments can often unconsciously be a way of keeping a connection with someone. Holding onto the injury is sometimes a deep-seated way of keeping someone close. If that resonates with you at all, I want you to know this – it is a totally normal thing to do – so don’t beat yourself up about it. But also know that it is not true. Keeping the injury close really does not keep the person close. Release the injury and free yourself, and then if you want to reconnect with that person, you can make that choice. But allow yourself to release the injury so that you can go on to creating great things in the present and future – instead of being stuck in a past hurt.
If this was helpful please be kind enough to share it with your friends or anyone who could do with a bit of help around forgiveness. Because that’s how we solve the world’s hurts – by healing our own wounds first. As my teacher Davidji says – “we transform the world by transforming ourselves.”
To watch my video on this topic please click HERE.
Thank you for reading, watching & sharing my lovebugs – and remember, as always, take care of you.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.