It is both simple and the most complex thing in the whole wide world.
The weakest and the strongest.
I am talking about how we have to be after loss.
We are asked to be vulnerable and at the same time stoic to get through our day to day.
Most people find their way to the duality of life after without anyone guiding them.
It is a requirement to be and do both and not for a week or two, but for a really long time.
How is it that we don’t get any guidance by anyone after loss?
Of course we receive love by the people closest to us.
And we receive support, by our church, our community and our professionals in schools and grief centers.
But unfortunately, it is not enough.
It helps for a while.
Maybe six months if we are lucky.
And not that the people who love us stop loving us.
And not that the people who support us in church and at work stop supporting us.
But we need more than love, more than just a support group.
We need to find our way back to a self that is whole, renewed and resilient.
We need to break the chains grief has added to our brain and change the locks so we can give birth to new thoughts.
New patterns. New beliefs about ourselves.
That is not something most of us can do with just love.
It requires science. Psychology. Education.
Because then, grief can be an evolutionary experience.
It can be a part of us without destruction.
How many times has grief made you say things you should have never said?
How many times did it make you take the wrong turn?
And how many times did it point you towards added obstacles. Added problems.
I think you also know, time is not to be wasted.
We don’t have an extra decade to take the wrong turns.
Every day and every moment counts after loss, because you and I have learned a really hard lesson. Life can be so short. So fleeting. @SecondFirsts (Click to Tweet!)
For this week, I am going to ask you to do one of the steps of my Life Reentry work.
Just one of them. Get real. With yourself.
I call it the 360. I am going to give you just five questions to answer.
There are many more. But this is a good start.
- What did you used to do that you no longer do?
- When was the last time you laughed?
- Are you still trying to live the life you used to have?
- What have you done so far to start your life over?
- What is different about you now?
Answering these will give you a glimpse of the reality you are living in right now.
It removes the fog grief comes with.
Just for a little while.
Just enough for you to know where you are at and what you need to do to have different answers to these questions?
My favorite has always been…when was the last time you laughed?
It tells you so much about the pain and sorrow you have had to endure since your moment of impact.
With laugher and realness,
Christina Rasmussen is the creator and founder of The Life Reentry Institute, Second Firsts, The Life Starters and Star Letters. Christina is on a crusade to help millions of people rebuild, reclaim, and relaunch their lives using the power of their own minds. Christina’s work has been featured on ABC News, NPR, The White House Blog, and MariaShriver.com. She is the bestselling author of Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again, which has also been translated in Chinese and German and is currently working on her second book on expanding the mind in ways that allows co-creation with the forces of the universe. She is also writing her first work of fiction: a science fiction story about a woman on a quest to start over and begin a new life. You can find more information on her website and follow her on FB or Twitter.
Image courtesy of Johannes Plenio.