While I embraced turning a year older recently, I was secretly wrangling with the fear of not getting my sh*t together.
I didn’t know where I got this idea from, but I have the perception that life should be set before 30, and the clock is ticking mercilessly against my will.
I couldn’t understand why I still have the desire to walk away from what I know and dive into what I could be, which requires a lot of ‘figuring out’.
As I grow a year older, I had to accept the truth that I am still in the process of exploring and becoming, and I can’t be sure where I’ll be landing.
A beautiful mess
Sometimes, having these thoughts jumbled up in my mind made me feel like a mess. But whenever I looked back at my journey from 27 to 28, I couldn’t help but to love myself more.
If my life is a mess, it is a beautiful mess because I created something beautiful out of it – a book called ‘The Art of Owning Your Story’.
On the day the book was launched, I had a profound feeling that hit me internally when I talked about my book onstage.
It wasn’t pride.
In that moment, everything that I went through suddenly made sense – the fear, tears, uncertainties, sleepless nights, break downs, soul searching trips, surrendering, silent camp, quitting, and trying.
When I was talking and people were listening, I realized that I have a voice to share my unconventional journey as a millennial.
It will all make sense in the end
On my 27th birthday, I was in a good job that sucked the life out of me. I quit the job in May 2017 and dove into content writing as a full-time solopreneur without any qualification and experience.
The transition was smooth thanks to luck and relationship. But when writing became a job, I learned that there is a difference between writing for a purpose and writing for the sake of living.
I decided to stop the work that didn’t add value to my life and embarked on a three months book publishing project.
In the past one year where my life revolved around creating and writing, I had a separate journey on the internal level that revolved around overcoming the fear of uncertainties, the fear not being good enough, and the self-deprecating feeling of not earning an income.
It was an enriching journey that made me a much stronger person, someone I am proud to be.
Getting your sh*t together
“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” – John Wooden
Some people called it ruthlessness, but I had a book worth of stories because I honoured my feeling and let my inner compass guide me through.
There are things that a book can teach while there are certain things that only life can teach; I believe that I had learned some invaluable lessons in life.
Sometimes, a step in the opposite direction can forever change our lives.
At the very least, I had peace in mind knowing that I made conscious decision and effort in steering my own direction.
Getting my sh*t together starts with knowing who I am and accepting every thoughts and emotion that jumbled up in my mind.
I have everything I need in me.
Isabelle Thye is a coffee enthusiast based in Malaysia. She co-founded a café consultancy business and started her own coffee label CHNO. Besides building her coffee business, Isabelle enjoys writing and backpacking around the world. Her first book ‘The Art of Owning Your Story’ is available for pre-order. Download a chapter for free!
Image courtesy of Pete Johnson.