Have you ever had an experience in your life where something happened that was extremely disappointing and you feel like it kicked off a domino effect of other bad things?
If you’ve ever felt that way, in this episode I’m going to be giving you six steps to bounce back from disappointment, and use that energy to learn something and course correct.
What is your first reaction when you find yourself being severely disappointed – when something you thought would happen, didn’t? For many people (myself included) anger is the initial response. It might be anger at yourself or others – if someone had made a different choice, things might have panned out according to your plan. From an emotional standpoint, it’s easier to be angry than it is to be sad. Disappointment boils down to having an expectation that wasn’t met which then creates feelings.
Let’s move to Step One of my little bounce back strategy. First, honor your feelings. Whether that’s sadness and crying, anger or regret. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s ok. AND as much as it is important to understand and not judge the way you feel, I do think a time limit for falling into despair or dissecting is prudent. Journal, meditate, share with a trusted mentor or pal, and essentially do anything that creates space for the experience.
The second step is to be mindful to not scapegoat. The blame game doesn’t help anything. When we scapegoat and blame we are missing the opportunity to understand or learn what it is that we need to learn. As much as it sucks when you’re in a situation where you feel really disappointed, the truth is our ability to learn to change things, to gain a new skill set or to see something from a different perspective is the gift. We’re on our own evolutionary path, moving into what is next for us, but that doesn’t happen if we remain in stuck in blame.
Step Three is to remember to have compassion for yourself and others. It may be tempting to beat yourself up and ruminate on all of the things you should have done differently, but that only inhibits the learning curve.
Step Four is taking an ‘expectation inventory’. If you think back to your biggest disappointments or your most recent disappointments, were there things that you could have had a more realistic expectation about? Consider what you were basing your expectation on. Was it based on fact or fantasy? Maybe you thought that someone was more capable than they were of showing up for you.
There are many reasons why we have unrealistic expectations, so this is an important step in the bounce back plan. Think about how you came to your expectation (that wasn’t met) and write it down.
Step Five requires you to get your hands dirty by searching for your wisdom gems in the crap stew of that disappointment. In almost every crappy situation, there are gems of wisdom for your evolution, for your growth, essentially gems of information but you have to be willing to really go in there and search.
Step Six is to integrate what you learned and to do that you gotta keep on keepin’ on. Keep doing you and working towards your desired outcomes with the new knowledge you gained from your self-inquiry. Integration is crucial to avoid the same disappointing scenarios over and over and it really requires a willingness to do something different.
If you want a different result, you must integrate new behavior based on past experience + self-knowledge.
I hope that you liked this little episode on how to bounce back from disappointment – because I don’t want to see it have a domino effect in your life, and you have the power to learn something from it and change your strategy for a better outcome instead.
You can watch the original video HERE; and if you liked this episode, the best thing that you can do for me is to share it with the people in your life who you think would also like it and get some value from it. In the meantime, I hope you guys have an amazing week bouncing back and feeling great and as always, take care of you.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.