When I started my adult life, I thought sexuality was something I needed to receive from someone (a boyfriend in my case), and sensuality was a taboo word implying that I was asking for attention – all labelled “bad bad bad” from my parents, grand-parents, peers and society.
Not only did I not received what I truly wanted (20-something men didn’t know what to give, and, frankly, I didn’t know what I was missing), but also I lost years of potential joy and bliss in shutting my full sensual expression, even to myself. No, mainly to myself.
My search for connection, intimacy and ecstatic unity really started to make sense when I turned inward to my own self for finding it.
This is when I started to actually get some of that joy, freedom and blissful states of sustainable pleasure!
After several years of unsuccessful relationship and dating all the wrong men (definitely not the ones dedicated to a common search in deep intimacy), I decided to stop mixing it all up and separate these two things:
– Dating and maybe finding a great man for an exciting relationship, or maybe just having fun dating, AND….
– Starting an amazing journey into my own body, pleasure and orgasmic potential!
I decided to make it my full responsibility to access the wild sensual versions of myself, to let them full out without shame – at least in my own presence – and to explore all subjects related to sacred sexuality, feminine pleasure empowerment and knowing my intimate body… well… intimately!
I read many mind-blowing books, joined some groups and programs in feminine and Tantric healing and rewiring pleasure, watched countless videos, and I practiced putting my own desires into action everyday: tuning in, exploring, confronting my wildest feelings or sensations.
There were some pretty exciting, fun, orgasmic days, for sure…. but deep exploration into feelings, desires and letting all the sensations (even numbness) be what they are was also quite unsettling, uncomfortable.
I had to create safety within me for the whole range of fears and judgmental thoughts arising in my head!
Pleasure and multiple sensations only became available when I decided that it was safe for me to express my own desires, to express love for myself, to feel all emotions, even digging into the massive storage of past emotions left unfelt.
Wow, that was intense!
Intense AND freeing. Empowering.
Also, dark and hopeless sometimes.
But, I stuck with it, seeing no option but to find this bliss + connection within me if I ever wanted to find it in a relationship.
I kept on exploring, digging, expanding, coming back to my raw sensuality, my uncensored sexuality, and this is what happened:
My life turned into my dream life, one area after the other, layer after layer, like the sky clearing up!
I explored my need for loving and sensual touch…
… I gave myself the softer lingerie, most delicious shower and bath lotions, massage oils and full afternoons and evenings to massage, caress and discover my skin huge sensitivity…
… and I received more and more words of appreciation and wonder from friends and strangers that were matching my own wonderful curiosity toward myself.
I explored my full desires, fantasies and let go of the norms and “should’s”…
… I gave to myself the most yummy food, beautiful meal arrangements to enhance pleasure, long slots of leisure time doing nothing but daydreaming, relaxing, throwing away boring to-do lists, only focusing on what was lighting myself up, playing with online and offline dating with no expectations but fun, investing in my desired career path…
… I received a total healing in my body, getting sexier and fitter without more efforts, completely healing the last layers of emotional overeating I had been working on for years. I received an abundant flow of creative ideas from all the relaxation I have allowed in my days, I received higher energy states for important work, and unexpected help for the things I didn’t want to do anymore. I received an overflowing supply of great men, giving me full attention, appreciation and even spontaneous gifts; I received signs that my yoga & coaching dream business is wanted and other people reaching out to help!
I explored my sensual breath and voice…
… I gave myself the right to state my Yes’s and No’s louder, clearer without apologizing, I made space for my intuition with quiet times of meditation or stillness, I started to say no to a whole lot of obligations at work, but also no to social proposals from friends and colleagues that weren’t matching my priorities, I said no to pleasing people, or family and to always being the good accommodating girl, I said no to justifying myself and convincing others…
… and I received clearer messages from my intuition, an articulate inner wisdom that saved me a lot of time in self-doubting or anxiety. I received more and more respect of my time, choices, decisions at work and with friends and family so I didn’t have to feel guilty about NOT pleasing others anymore. I received help in expressing myself and learned to enjoy being heard and stopped shying away.
I explored my desire for intense love and epic sex…
… I created space and time in my life for dating, for a romantic relationship. I specifically made a demand for “a great man that I am strongly attracted to, that wants to build a relationship with me”. I remember stating this words just a few weeks before…
… I received my Great Man with who I am going full-in into a deep connection, intimacy and mutual exploration, learning the fun and wild giving/receiving/taking/allowing components of sexuality and adult love.
I explored my femininity…
… I allowed myself to reveal more of my wild sensual joyful self, not taking myself too seriously, throwing away all my black and blue boring wardrobe to buy and wear colorful bold outfits and jewelry…
… And I received so many compliments and nice comments about my – sometimes too colorful and not so much matching – clothes. I also got new people approaching me more easily, making new friends that way, but also random little gifts and big smiles from strangers!
I finally explored my numbness and pain points…
… I gave to myself the support of group coaching, online programs, books, spiritual practices and even a therapist to deal with these deeper parts of myself that I felt were crying for attention…
… and I received so much self-knowledge, so much acceptance and understanding that empowered my decisions, new tools to deal with my emotions and trigger points, new sensations available to me, feeling my sensual body deeper – which is what I was craving all along. I dared to explore traumas, unmet needs, fears and I finally reached body+mind healing, surrender and even orgasmic states.
I have a huge renewed excitement toward life as I am witnessing all the unexplored paths, sensations, adventures and connections available to me!
Hell Yeah to life and not knowing the outcome!
As a yoga teacher I encountered said: “Life is either a repetition or an adventure!”.
I am only starting to expand my joy, gifts, miracles, bliss and curiosity… and I invite you to explore relentlessly your own sensuality, as a way to receive your real desired life!
What would your dream life look life?
What would it take for you to receive it? (What to explore, to reveal, to unblock?)
Please share in the comments below so we can inspire each others!
Natacha Monica is an Emotional Overeating Coach and Yoga teacher that uses her success in overcoming toxic obsession with food + undesirable extra-weight to help, empower & free other ambitious women. Her unique approach combines emotional release tools, intuitive acting to unlock intuitive eating and the powerful help of yoga to access self-knowledge and rebuild self-esteem. She created a FREE Mini-course that you can access on her website to learn the 5 Untold Truths to lose the weight and finally feel Free+Sexy daily!
Image courtesy of Marco Xu.