Sometimes or more often days don’t feel that amazing.

It’s okay to feel like being in the dark, scared or overly angry.

It’s okay to feel like that.

Unfortunately, Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade just recently committed suicide which opened up a whole social media discussion about the facades on social media.

How we portray everything is fine and dandy while we feel lost and trapped.

That’s the reason I created Conscious Living with Carmen; Learn to Love where you Are right Now.

I try to focus on how our lives might not be what we dreamed they would be, how we might not (yet) be who we dreamed we might be. Not to focus on the negative but to give space to what IS!

We all have different paths in life and we might feel disappointed and frustrated. But those feelings want our attention and love.

They don’t need another Plan of Action, another distraction or another suppression. They need our attention.

It’s okay to feel disappointed. It’s okay to feel left out. It’s okay to feel you’re behind. It’s okay. It’s ALL okay.

Why? Because those feelings want to be felt. They want to be lived through. And at the other side will be our gift in disguise. Our lesson. Our insights.

It’s so important, to be honest about how we feel. To ourselves and to others.

Expressing our feelings doesn’t have to be the same as losing ourselves in those feelings. That’s the most common mistake we make. We are afraid to BECOME those feelings while they are just one of the many experiences that come and go during the day, the week and the year.

Expressing that we feel NOT okay, doesn’t mean we ARE not okay. Because we are. Those feelings come and go. Although for some it might feel they will never go.

But the more persistent the emotions, the more intense the negative feelings. The more important it is to give attention to those feelings.

To see what it is they’re trying to tell us.

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to be with someone who expresses their grief or anger? How we so want to give solutions or tell them it’s okay, or it will be okay or it is here for a reason.

Although these reactions are all valid and true, they show us how we find it difficult to sit with those feelings. We find it even difficult to sit with another person who’s feeling that way.

I still remember the moment my first ever longtime boyfriend broke up with me years ago. I was so sad and in grief and I went back to my parents for the weekend.

I sat in front of the television (hello distraction!!), but my mom just sat with me. I remember her falling asleep in the chair while just sitting with me and my grief.

That’s what we all should do for ourselves and others.

To just sit with them. Be okay with:

(1) us feeling grief, anger, sadness, disappointment, and
(2) someone else feeling grief, anger or sadness or disappointment.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling dark emotions, with pain or negative feelings. They all are a part of us. We often times try to anxiously avoid feeling those parts of ourselves and we numb ourselves with food, drinks, people, or other distractions.

But those parts belong to us. They belong to our soul. They are there for a reason.

And that reason is not NOT feeling them.

Letting our consciousness shine upon those dark parts of our soul will enlighten all parts of us. Everything.

There will be nothing left to be afraid of and we no longer avoid feelings our dark emotions. Because we now know that’s a part of who we are.

By being aware of those dark parts, those negative emotions and that pain, we will learn what we hold on to that’s inhibiting us. We will learn to see every belief we still hold on to, every pain we’ve ignored and every negative emotion we’ve suppressed.

This process will enlighten our soul. Nothing else will.

I want to ask you that the next time you or your friend feel disappointed, or sad or mad, to sit with it. Just like my mother sat with me.

To keep that emotion company. Give it space.

And you’ll see that THAT’S where the magic happens.



Want more?

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Carmen Smallegange is a coach specialized in uncovering and transforming limiting beliefs. Using her own life lessons she shines a new and fresh light on negative experiences to empower others to do the same and to acknowledge and step into their own amazing potential. You can get her free workbook on how to transform your fears or follow her on Facebook.

Image courtesy of Sarah Gray.