Stop Dangling Maybes: The Power of Making a Clear Decision

Have you ever heard a life changing quote on a TV show? What about on a super hero show? Sometimes a good mix of romance, adventure and bad guys can lead to one of those light bulb moments where you are just never the same after. This happened to me watching the CW show Arrow. Yes, Arrow. Not Super Soul Sunday (although that is awesome!) or a legendary biography on The History Channel. This quote stopped me in my tracks and I bet it will make you think today too.

Here is the set up.

There are two main characters, Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen who denied their love for each other for at least a couple of seasons. They were talking about their future and Oliver being the overprotective super hero type, was telling Felicity (aka, the woman he knows is the love of his life) that he might never be able to have a normal life with her.

He was basically saying they could be together, maybe someday, but not sure when, how, or if ever. Felicity had had enough of that, so she replied, “Then say never. Stop dangling maybes. Say it’s never going to work out between us, say you’re never going to love me.”

Stop. Dangling. Maybes.

When I heard that phrase it just made me stop and think about where in my own life, I dangle some maybes around things and never actually say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and experience the closure of the situation.

For years I said I want to exercise more. I didn’t actually exercise more. I just wanted to. For years I said it would be fun to cook together with my husband. I didn’t sign up for a cooking class. I didn’t experiment with recipes. I do help him in the kitchen, but I never did anything on my own to make that happen.

For years I said it would be awesome to own my own business, do my own thing and leave the corporate world behind. I said that during my 45 minute commute into the corporate world every day.

Then one day, I took a page out of my favorite super-heroine’s notebook (Thank you Felicity Smoak!) and threw my maybes to the curb.

I found out the schedule at my local yoga studio and have been going twice a week for the last three weeks.

I signed the hubby and me up for Blue Apron, then Hello Fresh and finally Home Chef. These services send you pre-measured ingredients so all you have to do is cook them. We kept experimenting until we found one that is perfect for us. Not a single maybe in sight! Now we cook together regularly and as a novice cook I ventured on my own one night that the hubster was working late and made split pea soup by myself.

I swear it’s like I crossed the four minute mile or traveled to the moon. It really is the little things in life that can be the most delicious!

Finally, I lovingly said goodbye to a wonderful job that I loved, to say hello to the future I always envisioned for myself.

It was scary, exciting, I cried, I hugged. As I ended that chapter in my life I realized even more so, how powerful it is to stop dangling maybes and finally go for your love, your dream, or sometimes just your soup.

Tiny dreams and big dreams all wrap together to form the fabric of our lives.

Sometimes it really isn’t the best moment to pursue the huge ones. It took Oliver Queen a whole season to realize he wanted to be with Felicity Smoak and he would need to figure out the rest one day at a time.

By the way, spoiler alert….they are married now.

Sometimes it takes us years to change a ‘maybe’ to a ‘no thank you’ or a ‘yes! I would be delighted!’

I believe there is no perfect time, only the time it takes us to have enough courage to take the tiny steps that can lead to big leaps. I believe you can learn from anyone, whether it’s a PhD professor or a TV show about superheroes. And from now on, I will use Felicity’s wise words to remind me that whenever I stop dangling those maybes and give clear yeses and clear no’s that’s when the magic can happen. That’s when the love grows deeper and the adventures get wilder.

I will also remember that like Felicity, I don’t have super powers and I might not be able to aim arrows to shoot super bad guys, but I can absolutely be the hero of my own life. I can challenge those around me to be better, to make choices, and to grow.

So here is my superhero challenge for you today: take a minute and think about your day to day life. Is there somewhere where you are dangling a maybe? Where a clear yes or a clear no, will bring about something you have always wanted? Or end something that isn’t working?

Whatever that might be – I am invoking my inner Felicity Smoak and challenging you to make a decision.

Maggie Reyes took her years of working in HR at luxury hotels and realized that five-star hotels are fabulous but five-star marriages are even better. She founded Modern Married to share a light-hearted, yet practical approach to making marriage work, without changing your partner and using the principles of luxury service and relationship psychology.