People cross their own boundaries all the time.

They say “Yes” when every cell in their body means, “No.”
Help someone else when they’re already stretched to the max.
Keep toxic people in their life because they feel a sense of duty.

Would we do the same if we had more self-respect?

No. We would not.

Self-respect gives you a core operating system: what you do, and how you engage with people meets a minimum requirement: it must respect YOUR core beliefs and wellness.

Things that don’t meet the minimum, you just don’t pursue.

That makes decisions and life overall much easier.

But where to start…? And how to get it?

We’re not taught how to build self-respect.

If I’m honest, school, family, and society trained me OUT of respecting myself. Not intentionally, but that was the outcome.

I was instructed to put other people’s desires over my own. “Be ‘nice’ Ishita.” I learned the icky feeling of NOT respecting myself: saying “Yes” when I meant, “No,” helping people I had no business helping, and keeping negative people in my life.

The world wants “nice” but turns out I don’t care for it.

Not one bit.

Just like I don’t care for Vegas.

If “Vegas” and “nice” disappeared forever, I’d be A-OK.

What I do care about is respecting myself. Being a loving, generous, effective person in the world and in my relationships.

That’s way more attractive than nice.

Respecting yourself allows you to be more loving, generous, and effective because

  • When you know how to love yourself, you love others with more patience.
  • When you set boundaries, you have more capacity, so you can be effective.
  • When you respect your time, money, and energy, you have more of those resources to be generous with others. You give without resenting people.

Respecting yourself allows you to be more loving generous & effective because when you know how to love yourself, you love others with more patience. @ishitagupta (Click to Tweet!)

But if it’s so good, why the second part of the title, “it sucks at first?”

The dark side of self-respect is: you do hard hard things and make hard choices.

A lot.

Feels like all the time.

Setting boundaries in a family who’s never heard the word is damn near impossible. People are used to behaving a certain way for decades, now all of a sudden here y