I’m 53, and there are certain things I never thought I’d ever contemplate at my age or any age. Botox was definitely at the top of that list – as in never. I mean others could use it all they wanted, but not me. I’m natural and I was sure I’d never consider it, that was until yesterday. Here’s what happened.
I went out to lunch with a friend and she looked so good, especially her face skin. I know that phrasing sounds awful, “face skin,” but I don’t know what else to call it. This friend looked so good; in fact, she must have felt guilty, because she started spilling the beans about her, what shall we call it, beauty regimen. She clearly let me know her condition – really beautiful skin – was thanks to some micro distilled botulism. Alright, micro dosed, but I like distilled because that’s how I imagine the paralyzing agent gets created.
Now again, I was never going to do this stuff, and I live in Hollywood, so this basically makes me a unicorn. And come to think of it, I’m probably the only one I know who hasn’t done it. But you know what they say about glass houses, and my oh my how the mighty righteous do fall. Here I thought I was such a purist, but then I had a Botox revelation, which makes for a great book title at the very least.
Usually, my epiphanies are of a more spiritual nature. I’m helping to grow myself or helping others, which tends to result in any number of uplifting awarenesses. This newfangled awareness came late in the evening after the luncheon with my friend. I looked in the mirror, and I swear my forehead spoke to me. It was actually telling me several stories, of which I could not follow and which my remote control had no power to change. I couldn’t just press a button for a new image to appear, so I was stuck.
I think someone needs to invent a mirror that has filters like Instagram. And whoever takes this idea and makes millions, there’s this house in Encino I really like, but I’ll settle for some Botox now that I’m a reformed something or other. My bathroom mirror is an original 1940s mirror – it’s old and jaded, not unlike the viewer at this particular moment.
So there I was facing my lines, aka – and I can barely write this because I too have some level of vanity – wrinkles, when I said without one moment of hesitation, “I need Botox.” Clear as a bell. There was no mistaking it. I said it. Out loud.
Now about ice cream. I know you’re probably thinking there is no way anyone can connect Botox with ice cream, but I will. See, lately, there’s this lady I’ve been spending some time with. Her name is Jeni. No “y,” just an “i.” She’s not Jeni from the block; she’s an ice cream maker. Well, actually, she’s an ice cream artisan. Some might even call her a god.
My beloved introduced me to Jeni. He’s got a thing for me and ice cream, which is super sweet. But Jeni, she’s ultimately bad news. See Jeni makes ice cream with all those so-called natural ingredients. I’m sure the milk and cream comes from extremely happy cows. You can just taste it.
Jeni’s ice cream is, well, it’s out of this world delicious. Okay, that’s fine. Thanks for sharing. Maybe I’ll drive a few people to her stores or the freezers at Whole Foods. But that’s not why I’m writing about Jeni. It’s that I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s smooth, creamy, delicious, and downright inspirational. She brings me such joy and contentment that I may have to leave a portion of my estate to her when I die. And though that’s not currently a lot, Jeni deserves it all.
I know, this all sounds ridiculous or even crazy. But suddenly, at 53, my priorities have changed.
I want different things than I did when I was 20. A smooth forehead and creamy delight have become my ultimate goals. The difference now though is that the smooth skin and ice cream come at a price. It’s $1,500 for the Botox, and two hours in the gym for the ice cream. But I’ll play, because they make me happy.
And never again will I judge, and my apologies here to everyone for doing something that makes them happy, Botox or eating full-fat ice cream. I get it now. @barryaldenclark (Click to Tweet!)
I had to come clean. Be honest. And I haven’t done the Botox yet as I’m still contemplating the side effects. I understand there are some of those besides smooth skin, so please consult your doctor before making any decisions here, and I suppose that goes for the ice cream too. If you’re watching your sugars and/or your cholesterol, talk to your doctor. I suspect at some point soon I will try a batch of the curated botulism. And in the meantime, there’s Jeni’s Gooey Butter Cake ice cream. End scene.
Barry Alden Clark has coached thousands of individuals in connecting more deeply with their hearts, their life purpose, and helped create a pathway for these folks to move forward in a direction more aligned with who they truly are. He & his creative partner Eliza Swords are currently delivering uplifting content on social media every Wednesday via “Best Day Ever with Barry and Eliza”, a Facebook and You-Tube phenomenon reaching thousands of people around the world. They are also inspiring love and joy through creating heartfelt and entertaining content via their production company Pure Honey Ink. Currently they have projects in development for social media, film, television and publishing. You can reach Barry at www.barryaldenclark.com.
Image courtesy of Nick Fewings.