It was a few days after I had hosted the biggest event of my life & career ~ a three-day woman empowerment conference that was an absolute success.
I should have felt on top of the world.
I should have been celebrating and rejoicing.
The feedback was I was receiving was ridiculously positive.
Like for real, crazy, good feedback. I kept waiting for the shoe to drop and someone to tell me it was terrible and they wanted their money back.
I was receiving multiple messages every day, women sharing with me how my event had just changed their life. They were feeling inspired, empowered and excited about life again. They were forever indebted, they were so grateful, they loved me.
So… why did I feel so off?
There is this process in life that we experience regularly. All of us experience it, whether we are conscious of it or not, and it’s called expansion.
It’s like hitting our own glass ceiling of something – of support, of money, of love, of opportunities.
Basically every time we near this glass ceiling, we revert into past patterns to try to keep us from busting through this ceiling and into expansion.
Our ego wants us to stay where we are because it’s safe and predictable. On the other side of the glass ceiling could be everything we’ve ever desired, but it could also be so painful, so terrible, it could break us and the ego is NOT on board for that risk.
So post-conference my ceiling for support & love was MAXED! I was literally SURROUNDED by love, admiration, words of kindness, hugs, support, congratulations, excitement, joy, Belief in me. All. The. Things.
And trust me, I had been working to expand myself to receive this level of support all year long. So, naturally, I thought I had it all figured out.
It turns out my human mind isn’t always right on the money when it comes to expansion & growth… I didn’t realize I still had barriers to move through.
Now, this is the point that most of us give up. We are soooo uncomfortable with this feeling of getting too much of what we want that we start to self sabotage and literally turn ourselves away from it all. We avoid the love. Say no to the opportunities. Ignore the guidance. Then we sink back into our old patterns, which feel so familiar, it’s as though we are welcomed home with a cozy blanket, cup of tea and cuddles from all our familiar fears and worries and patterns.
For me, I self sabotage with a desire to be invisible. To isolate. To ignore all the love, and retreat inward. In solitude I can remind myself that I’m not worthy, not good enough and that soon all this admiration will pass.
Chances are you’re saying to yourself…”Whaaat? But you just rocked out an entire weekend conference of self-development for 80+ human beings! How are you not happy?”
But isn’t this much like anything else in life? We set a goal, we work hard and achieve said goal. We may celebrate for an hour, a day, a week? But ultimately, we then simply move on to the next goal.
This is our nature as humans, to never be satisfied. To always be seeking the next thrill or achievement. And it can lead to a very confusing depression. One that looks like having everything together, you appear happy, you have all the things you want and need…and yet…there’s this deep inkling within you that something is missing.
Annnnnd, enter Emotional Resiliency!
This is THE most crucial moment to begin gently & graciously surrendering into that which we desire. This is where we use our intelligence around emotions to witness what is our emotion, and what is our pattern based from fear.
For me, this was my chance to keep choosing to be seen…
I started first with those close to me. I spent a week making so much time for my friends & family so I could ground down into their love, support & appreciation for who I am. I allowed myself to feel acknowledged & needed in the safety of my close community.
And then it expanded out.
I started sharing a part of me publicly; on my podcast, in a few posts, sharing my vulnerability authentically, from my heart.
Now please note that none of this was particularly comfortable for me. But I continued to surrender into my emotional resiliency, knowing & trusting that this IS the work.
This IS the process.
And in time, I began to feel myself expand naturally – from the inside out. As though my cocoon was softening. My true light was able to be seen by me again. I was coming back to life! I was re-emerging, having expanded my energetic boundaries.
This is the POWER of Emotional Resiliency.
It allows us to anchor into our Truth during expansion and have the staying power to see it through. Without it, no expansion occurs. We are likely to succumb to our self-sabotaging patterns every time.
Deanna Deacon is an Intuitive Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, Energy Healer, Author and Founder of The Empowered Woman Conference. Deanna guides her clients into unshakeable self confidence and soulful business growth through embodiment retreats, intuitive coaching, live events and online trainings. If you’d like to learn Deanna’s 5-stop formula to unshakeable self confidence, grab your FREE copy of her Become Your Unshakeable Self Guide at www.deannadeacon.com/unshakeableself.
Image courtesy of Paul Green.