Have a seat. I’ve got a story to share. And, if you know me at all, whether from a blog, workshop, or Wake Up with Laurie, you probably won’t be too shocked by any of this (the title or subject matter), given I like a good joke or pun about bodily fluids, not to mention I’m an expert on lying. For obvious reasons…
Because, well…I lie.
Turns out, my personal pollution (and this time I mean lying) manifests physically. From anxiety, to lack of sleep. to…a skin condition?
For almost a decade, I’ve lived with a strange skin “itch” that no doctor could really explain. Mostly, I hid it, ignored it, tolerated it, or half-ass treated it. Finally, my coach insisted I deal with it and treat it as an “integrity” issue.
Wait, complaining and suffering doesn’t count as “taking action”?
On some level I knew I was bullsh*tting myself, but it took the nudge (okay, maybe it was more of a shove) of a coach to make me actually get my hands dirty and deal with it.
And, because God is funny, one of the other hurdles I encountered dealing with my skin issue (besides examining my lies, loopholes, and laziness) was sending a stool sample to a lab at the direction of my functional medicine doc, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon. A doctor’s order I avoided for YEARS.
Yup, I had to let someone else not just read about my sh#t, but literally shine a light on it!
Telling the truth and outing my own BS is part of my job as Head Coach with HG Life. Hadn’t I shared enough sh#t already?
Turns out – see warning above re: over-sharing – there’s lots going on in my guts. Dozens of strains of bacteria to analyze and balance. And I have just the right amounts of almost all of them, except two: Akkermansia and Streptococcus. Luckily, these can be balanced with certain supplements.
And voila, just like we teach clients at Handel Group that change is an inside job, herein again, I’m a solid (ha) example of it and/or the avoidance of it.
Telling the truth about your sh#t (in both senses of the word) puts the power back in your hands.
Even when I managed to score the opportunity to give a TEDx Talk on the subject of lying, truth is (ha), I still was never planning to reveal my own greatest hits.
In honor of shining a light on my BS to help others with theirs, here goes:
As you read my top four forms of lying, please feel free to think about your own.
One thing we know from scientific research is that everyone lies.
And one thing we know from working with tens of thousands of clients is that everyone has different brands and no one is all that proud of them. What I’ve also found to be true is that a sense of humor is crucial in the excavation of these, so be sure to give your brands of lying funny names. For example:
1) Loopholian the Great:
I pretend I’m dealing with something, but actually I half-assed it. See: skin condition. Or I’ll say I stuck to my eating plan but I was not precise – “I used to measure XYZ but now I don’t need to anymore because I’ve been so good.”
As long as I can tell myself I am in the spirit of my law I don’t have to worry about the letter. Or sometimes I keep the letter, but totally NOT the spirit.
2) The Girl Who Cried Whoops
I insist something is wrong and we are in grave danger. You must help me do something or get out of something.
Lie #1: something is wrong. Lie #2: you must help.
Truth #1: nothing is all that wrong. Truth #2: I am the one who can help myself. This comes up with a new task at work or struggling over producing a particular result. One of my favorite ways to lie is to deflect by causing drama. The pretense (yet another way to say lie) is that I cannot handle something, it’s someone else’s fault, and lucky me, YOU have to fix it. It’s a lie about what I’m capable of and an all around manipulation.
I also call this temper tantruming.
3) Doe-Eyed Over-Doer
I’ll over-give my help or time to people, even if they don’t ask. Or I’ll continue to coach someone after there is good evidence that I am not helping enough, in order to avoid the loss of money, the embarrassment of failure, and any feelings they may have about me stopping.
It looks good on the outside — but it is a cover up for a lie. I don’t belong there and it’s not helping anyone.
This one tops off all the others. I really want to get away with my mistakes and lies. I hope upon hope that I can, and help my cause by trying to distract others. If brands #1 and #2 don’t work, and asking you to focus on what’s great about me doesn’t work, I’ll simply omit. I won’t admit when I’m upset. I won’t admit if someone complains about me. I won’t admit I’ve broken a promise. I won’t own my failure.
So I stay stuck, alone and sleepless at night, but looking good during the day. Oy.
Maybe the reason we all toss and turn at night, maybe the reason for our personal and global unrest is all the lies we tell. Or rather, the truths we omit.
For me, it’s that I can’t believe in my dreams, and have them come true, if I can’t trust myself.
And I’d bet good money that none of us can.
Wanna send your “stool sample” in?
Try Module #6 in Inner.U. It’s where we walk you through taking inventory of your lies. Don’t forget to come up with funny names for your brands. The more you (and I) deal with every which way we lie – with a sense of humor – the freer, and less itchy, we get.
Coming? It’s fun! And with Inner.U you get a coach and a buddy system. A community to shoot the sh*t with, so to speak.
The Handel Method is about being authentically you — body fluids, rashes, lies, traits, and all. Yes, oh my!
Telling the truth about who we are makes us truly trustworthy…and lovable in a way lying never could.
P.S. Inner.U is a 12 session online course that gives you the tools to hack into your own life, hone your dreams, and have every last thing you want in the areas that matter most to you: CAREER, MONEY, LOVE, TIME, FAMILY, and HEALTH. Do this life thing better from wherever, whenever.
Laurie Gerber is a Senior Coach and Co-President of Handel Group® Life Coaching. For over 15 years, Laurie has led international events and private coaching courses. She has appeared on MTV’s True Life, A&E’s The Marriage Test, Dr. Phil and TODAY.
Image courtesy of Markus Spiske.