Do you know the story of the man who was hitting himself over the head with a hammer? “Why do you keep hitting yourself with that hammer?” a shocked passerby asked him. “Because,” the man replied, “it’s going to feel so good when I stop.”
Examine the evidence. You keep fighting the same fight. You’re losing sleep. You’re sick of hearing yourself complain about the same things over and over again (yammer, hammer, hammer). Clearly, wrestling isn’t getting you closer to free. It’s quite possible that… you have no fight left in you.
This is excellent news! This is beautiful! Because…
When you have no fight left in you, you get to stop fighting. This defeat can be a major victory.
Your industry isn’t getting more enlightened, the signs are everywhere—stop trying to change the game and go where you can really play. He’s probably not going to change—even though he could (and changin’ is each person’s prerogative). She’s not going to budge. She’s told you so, repeatedly—so believe her. In terms of some of your dreams… if it were going to happen, it would have happened by now.
(And, if you’ve resolved to hang in there, I’ve got lots of encouragement and practical sermons for your cause. But today, we’re talking about the divinity of laying your burden DOWN.)
4 ways to make it easier to let go of goals and projects—this includes work projects, relationship “projects,” soul projects:
Focus on the relief of giving up. I’m going to stop fighting with this because I just.want.peace. I’m going to stop grinding, because I want more ease in my life. I’m declaring my karma PAID, IN FULL. I’m done learning my lessons through suffering, I’m going to learn more gracefully now. I know there’s a better way and I’m going to allow for that. I already feel relieved.
Focus on the benefits of no longer fighting. Less fighting, less crying, less over-eating, fewer therapy bills. More sleep, more space, more time, more creativity, more free expression, way more energy, more YOU… (keep the list going…).
Focus on your feelings. The big bonus of NOT feeling the way you want to is that you get really clear on how you DO want to feel. We learn through contrast.
Focus on your NEW ideal. Note: NEW. Don’t slip into dream-resurrection. (They’ll change, you’ll change, the industry will change…) You want an equal relationship, you want to feel vital, you want to earn a living that’s totally in sync with your soul.
When you stop struggling to make something go the way you’ve wanted it to, you shift the energy grid of your life. Facing the facts is liberating (even though it can be wrenching)—and with that truth comes a major power surge.
When you’re done fighting, you’re.done.fighting. It’s a bittersweet relief. Focus on the sweet.
Check out my For clarity of purpose reading list for more posts like this one. Real talk. No sugar-coating, but lots of love. Truth and love.
Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries. Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.