“Sherry, you are worthy and deserving.”
This has been my shower affirmation for more than two years. It never seems to lose its value for me to hear, see and speak. So, I keep it there to remind me that every time I step into the shower…. I am worthy. I am deserving.
You see, it has been a theme in my life for as long as I can remember. I haven’t felt good enough. I haven’t felt special enough. And I certainly don’t think I deserve to have exactly what I want.
I’m better now that I’ve worked on those beliefs and feelings for a long time, but they still resurface. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take a trowel to them and pull those beliefs out by the roots? But life just doesn’t work that way.
I also see it with women I work with and women inside my community. And I think it is common for women. After all, we are taught to put others first. Take care of our kids, our spouse, our family. And we come second, third or fourth. How could we not feel some level of “less than” if that is what we are constantly doing?
I think mine stems from growing up in the church. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing the church. But I was taught that the order of importance was “Jesus, others and you”. That is a whole lot of other beings to put in front of yourself. After all, “others” is more than just kids or a spouse or even family. That “others” could potentially entail the entire world.
And while I understand the concept of not being selfish (in the me, me, me sense of the word), or prideful, I don’t think it served me to hear that I came last. My wants, my needs; these all had to come last. Others were more important; that was the meaning my subconscious latched onto.
That belief pervaded my being. I became a person who didn’t feel like I was good enough to have the life I wanted. I didn’t deserve for my dreams to come true.
I allowed my life to be shaped by those feelings that I had to come last. I felt like I had to stay in my home state because my family might need me. I put my desire to live on the coast second to their needs.
I hid behind money and blamed it rather than really addressing the problem. I used excuses like, I might not get an equivalent job if I start over in a new location. Or, it costs so much to live there, I can’t afford that.
But the real truth was, I thought it would be selfish of me to leave home and go far away from my family. I thought my own needs and dreams weren’t as important as theirs
It doesn’t matter what the dream or desire is… more money, more love, better homes or our dream job; if we don’t feel like we deserve to have those things, then likely we aren’t going to get them.
Wanting good things and dreaming for more doesn’t make you selfish. This is the lesson that I’ve learned.
Today, I’m sharing some of the things that have helped me step into more worthiness and deservingness, so that you too can begin to create the life that you want with the money you want.
1 – Tap into the Power of Thought by using Affirmations
I know there are a lot of skeptics out there about the usefulness of affirmations. I get it. It can seem silly to use a phrase and expect it to change your life. I was that girl once.
But at the encouragement of a coach, I agreed to give them a try. I’m so glad that I did, my life has shifted in so many ways! Not least of which is this whole concept of being worthy and deserving.
I used the affirmation “I deserve to receive my income. I am so grateful to be a woman receiving my income”. Literally, this affirmation doubled my income in the matter of months.
I also use my shower affirmation daily to remind me that I am worthy and I deserve to have the life I want. Using these kinds of affirmations have helped me think new thoughts. Affirmations help me have something else to think, when I catch myself thinking or feeling like I don’t deserve something.
And that is how I think affirmations are powerful. When we catch ourselves thinking something we don’t want to think, we have a new thought we can immediately grab and think or say.
2 – Stay in Your Lane
Another thing that helps me own my own worthiness is to stay in my lane. It is so, so easy to give in to comparison and to start feeling “less than” because we don’t have what others do. Comparison never serves us.
Whether it’s in the amount of money we have, the level of success we have or even something like our personality, comparison never serves us. If we start comparing ourselves to others, we totally perpetuate the less than feelings. Which feeds the worthiness and deservingness issue and makes it bigger!
So, I recommend that you focus on you. After all, you are the only thing you have control of. If that means you have to get out of social media for a while….do that. If that means that you stop following certain people for a while….do that.
Empower yourself by asking yourself, what can you do in this moment in time to create what you want. I’ll use money a money example as that is my wheelhouse. If you find yourself thinking that you will never have the money you want, take some action. That could be something like:
- Put some money in savings.
- Follow-up with that potential client or customer.
- Pay extra on your student loans.
- Write three things you are grateful for.
All of these things shift your focus back to yourself and allow you to see that you are amazing and have wonderful things already. Action is really good for that!
3 – Recognize that Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
One thing I do and also recommend to the women in my community is to spend some time doing something they love. Every. Single. Day. This is the ultimate form of self-care and an easy place to start if you struggle with giving yourself permission to put yourself first.
For me, that means I give myself permission to read a novel for at least 30 minutes, every day. For you, it may mean a nature walk or a hot bath. It doesn’t matter what you choose, just do something you love.
Many of us struggle with this, we put other’s needs before our own. We buy into the belief that everyone else comes first.
But is it? Can you properly take care of your family when you aren’t rested? Are you doing your best work in your business when you are drained of all energy?
When we don’t take care of ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to do things that are restful, energizing and fun for us, we are perpetuating the belief that we aren’t worthy of having it all. We may never overtly tell ourselves that we don’t deserve some self-care time, but for sure we are reinforcing the sub-conscious belief.
You deserve all the money you want. You deserve to live the life of your dreams. These three tools are what help me feel more worthy and deserving and they can help you too. Try one or all three and start embracing your innate worthiness and deservingness today!
Sherry Parks, CPA, is a Money Mindset Coach who helps women escape feeling trapped by their finances. She is passionate about helping women change mindset, emotions and actions regarding money, so that they learn to keep what they have and generate more. Check out her 5 Steps to a Better Money Story workbook or join her women-only Facebook group More Than Enough Money Sisterhood.
Image courtesy of Dominika Roseclay.